


Dreams That Rend, Nightmares That Heal

by Xilianr



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Agoraphobia, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blood Drinking, Blood and Gore, Dark, Depression, Dream Sex, Dreams and Nightmares, Dreamsharing, Dubious Consent, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Levi/Reader-centric, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Nightmares, Non-Consensual Blood Drinking, Non-Consensual Voyeurism, Odaxelagnia, Panic Attacks, Smut, Social Anxiety, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, dream eating, non-traditional vampires
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2019-12-07 07:36:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 42,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18231866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xilianr/pseuds/Xilianr
Summary: He just wanted to help you. He only meant to make you better. They were noble,virtuous, his intentions.The perfect paving stones for crafting a road to hell.





	1. Awkward Meetings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Many of my best dreams started off as nightmares. Some of them ended as nightmares, too._

“You sure you wouldn’t rather stay with us?” Mike shook his sandy bangs from his eyes, testing the light switches as he spoke.

“It could be a while before...” you trailed off, biting your lip as he gave you a concerned look. “I’ll be fine, Mike. I can do this.”

Mike turned down the duvet of the bed, scrupulous look given to the sheets as he took in several deep breaths through his trained nose. “You’re more stubborn than Erwin’s ex.”

“You say as if you’ve met him. You might just worry too much.” You simpered as he seemed to notice how invasive his surveying had gotten.

“Don’t use this comforter, please?” He was folding it back, absently wiping his hand on his pants once he was no longer touching it.

“I’ll be using my own comforter, just for you. Now stop fretting. Let’s go check out the area.” You walked around the bed to tug softly on his sleeve.

“Right. Right. You hungry?” He asked like he already knew your answer.

You only shrugged. “Could eat.”

Mike just shook his head, gentle smile not quite reaching his aqua eyes. “Let’s try that cafe, across the way?”

“Sounds good!”

You left your new temporary home of a hotel room to be explored by Harris, your cat. The normally inquisitive fluffy white odd-eye was not a fan of hotels, apparently. Poor little guy had stayed hidden under the bed the whole time you and Mike had been bringing in your smattering of things. Helpful for moving stuff but it left your stomach a little tighter.

You were so grateful for Mike. Not only was he letting you store some treasured furniture at his place, he had tucked some of your boxes in the storage of his and Erwin’s new flat. Erwin was a nice enough guy, but he was weird about people having access to his belongings in the storage. Mike had not let you in the space, promise to Erwin going technically unbroken. Your three boxes of books and half dozen boxes of apartment necessities that had no place in the hotel had been an easy move for Mike, even without you. You hoped he would let you buy his meal at the cafe as a thank you for everything.

Mike took your hand as you entered the elevator. It was a gesture he had started doing after a drunken comment you made. You had not been thinking when you voiced how jealous it made you that Mike was so physically affectionate with Erwin. You had back-pedaled from the almost confession of your romantic interest in haste. Instead you explained how you were insecure with platonic affection. You did want to have more of it in your life, but that had not been the real reason you had spoken up. You wished it was not such a bitter happiness that his hand in yours caused. You held on for the whole walk, anyways.

Legion’s Rallying was a hybrid of a coffee shop and a 24-hour diner. Unlike a diner, there was ample casual seating, indoors and out, and an air of lingering at the tables. Unlike a normal coffee shop there were booths lining the walls and a waitstaff that doubled as the baristas. The menu was drawn up in chalk behind the bar but there were menus if you wanted to be served at a table. It was a strange animal, this cafe.

You and Mike were sharing a menu, discussing what you would each be getting, when another customer entered. Mike was standing in a way that made it look a bit like his ordering might be imminent, but that was not actually the case. You sheepishly tugged Mike to move him and let the new arrival by.

“Sorry.” You offered the apology even if you had not really been the one in the way.

The man only gave a curt nod of acknowledgement. He had a purposeful strut, everything about him seeming to have a tone of deliberateness. He struck you as someone that was all business, no nonsense. Militant almost. That was until he shouted past the person taking his order to someone in the back of the kitchen.

“Oi, Shitty-glasses. Do not mess around with my fucking order. I do not want any ‘chef’s specials’ on my plate. I will throw that shit at you.” The juxtaposition of such animosity in the words with a near deadpan delivery caught both your and Mike’s attention.

“Excuse me, is your name Levi?” Mike asked what you were also thinking. Erwin’s stories had painted such a vivid picture of him.

The man in question turned to glare up at Mike with a look that would make small children cry. “I think I’d remember having met you before, giant. How do you know me?”

Mike snickered while you tried to reconcile the image of this man and _Erwin_ , dating. Erwin was tall, blonde, and as charismatic as Prince Charming could ever hope to be. He was polite, with bright blue eyes and an inviting smile. This guy was the polar opposite. He was barely over five feet, black hair and a blank expression that still managed to feel like a scowl. He was tidy looking, hair styled in an undercut, neat in his entirely black wardrobe, but it left him seeming cold. His rather choice vocabulary only accentuated his aura of grumpy.

“I’m Mike Zacharias, Erwin’s-“

“Tch, The Boyfriend. I thought that idiot set of sentient eyebrows didn’t have any pictures of me.” There was an accusation in the look he was giving Mike.

When those icicle grey eyes turned to you, you stepped behind Mike a little. “Never saw a picture. It was your unique... way of talking that made us think it might be you.” You smiled in an attempt to curb the building tension.

“Shorty! Are you harassing the customers? Don’t mind him. His bark is worse than his bite.” A brunette in glasses emerged from the kitchen with a blinding smile.

“What do you know about my bite, Shitty-glasses?” Levi turned the full of his ire to behind the counter. “Can you please just make my meal as ordered? No weird additions?”

“We’ll see, won’t we?” There was far too much joy in the non-answer, brown ponytail seeming to bob in anticipation.

“Shit.” Levi was a terse mutter, stepping aside to let you all order.

“Hello, new faces! I’m Hange, manager and head chef of Legion’s Rallying. What can we get started for you today?”

You watched Levi walk away to sit by the window, brooding attitude making you think the conversation was over as far as he was concerned. Mike noticed your not paying attention and ordered for you both. Something about the look Levi had given you was unsettling. It was not the greatest omen for you on this newest adventure.

 

~~

 

Levi’s food had already been delivered when he pulled out his cell and covertly snapped a picture to send to Erwin along with a text.

-Met your boyfriend. He’s fucking huge. What’s the deal with the girl? They seem... close-

Erwin’s response was swift as always.

-Heh, so paranoid. That’s (F/N) (L/N). And they are close. There is interest there, but they aren’t acting on it. _Be nice_. She’s going through something.-

Levi looked back to the girl that seemed to have a place in Erwin’s heart as much as the man sitting with her. Levi rolled his eyes at the idea of going to talk with them again. Such a waste of time. He took a bite of his burger and flinched at the taste. He lifted the bun and saw a heap of sliced, raw, garlic.

“The actual fuck, Hange? Raw? I like garlic but cook it some, idiot! Connie, could I get a new burger? This one is inedible.” Levi could hardly keep from throwing the plate in the direction of Hange’s maniacal laughter.

“Sure thing, Levi. I’ll bring it over. Anything else dodgy?” The young server was approaching the plate like it might lunge at him.

“The rest seems fine.” Levi poked the pickle just to be sure there was not anything under it.

“Sure. New burger, don’t let Hange touch it. Be right over with it.” He was shaking his head as he went back into the kitchen himself.

Levi watched the pair under his observation rise to leave. Their meal went faster since it did not have a lunatic messing with it. Erwin’s boyfriend put his arm around the girl and Levi covertly snapped another picture. He sent it without a message.

-Stop being so distrustful. They are fine. He tells me. We talk about her a lot. Where are you?-

Levi’s jaw set. He was not happy about Erwin’s intentional blindness to the issue this girl was going to make. However, he and Erwin were taking one of their breathers from living together, so it was not his place to intrude. Let the giant mess up and get caught out, it was no skin off Levi’s teeth.

-Legion’s Rallying. My cafe near the loft.-

Levi picked at the food aside from his burger. It was not long before Erwin’s response appeared on the screen.

-She has moved into the Scout’s Reprieve for the time being. You’ll be seeing a lot of her I suspect. Don’t-

The message ended abruptly. The phone started ringing. Levi answered, curious what Erwin had to say so urgently.

“Don’t mess with her.” Erwin had a hint of possessiveness in his tone.

A subtle sneer tugged on Levi’s expression. “I don’t know why you would worry about my messing with your boyfriend’s girlfriend. Don’t you think it’s weird that she is living in a hotel?” Levi pushed the pickle around his plate, appetite souring.

“They aren’t dating. She’s... complicated. Things aren’t going well for her. Honestly, we wanted her to move in with us but she is... You. She is a lot like you. Just make an effort? Please?” Erwin was using that voice that said this mattered to him more than he was putting into the words. Shit.

“Make an effort with the girl?” Levi picked apart his burger only to find a strange plant inside the patty. “The fuck?”

“Yes, with the girl. I think they might actually be a package deal. A deal I am very interested in. Don’t fuck it up.” Erwin hung up suddenly.

Connie was walking over, new burger on a plate all its own.

“Springer, what does this look like to you?” Levi pointed to the odd green foliage imbedded in the meat.

“Kale? Looks a lot like kale.” He traded plates with Levi. “Hange has not touched this one. I did cook up some of the garlic that has started piling up in the back. You said you liked it?”

Levi took a large bite of the so rare it was bloody burger. The caramelized garlic played on the char from the grill perfectly. Levi savored the bite a moment before swallowing. The garlic was a fine addition.

“This is how to add garlic to a burger. Explain to Shitty-glasses how cooking works. You seem to have a better handle on it.” Levi took another bite of the nearly mooing burger.

“I don’t know what has you two jabbing at each other all the time. Have you ever considered being the one to offer an olive branch?” Connie was looking a bit proud over the grandest compliment Levi had ever offered the kid.

Levi simply gave Connie a look and continued eating. Connie sighed and left him to his long running stalemate with Hange. Levi could have sorted out a different place to eat but the nut job could damn well cook. Then again, Hange had been cooking long enough that it only made sense. It was a complex friendship that had odd ingredients finding their way into his meals.

A tone alerted Levi to a text.

-Mike thinks you are too attractive to be so grumpy. She thinks you hate her. Don’t make me come down there.-

Levi ignored the chiding to finish eating. The long wait had Erwin getting irritated, much to Levi’s enjoyment.

-Levi, I am serious about him. You need to play nicely with them.-

Levi tutted and answered while collecting himself to go.

-You only just met him. Getting a little ahead of yourself, aren’t you?-

Levi could hear the anger in Erwin’s answer even if it was text.

-Two years of courting is not “just met” and you know it.-

Erwin had only pursued Levi for six months before they got so serious Levi’s life was changed forever. Erwin was going slower with this Mike Zacharias. Much as Levi was begrudged to admit, he liked seeing Erwin getting so sappy over someone. If the girl was a package deal with that, Levi could be civil.

-Fine. Just don’t expect me to be entertaining her.-

-You’d like her if you gave her the chance, Levi. Believe me.-

Levi stepped out into the night, parting wave offered over his shoulder to those within. Levi looked at the towering hotel and sighed.

He spoke to the settling darkness, letting the conversation with Erwin otherwise end. “Better be right, Eyebrows.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mind the tags. Seriously. If you have read my stuff you know I can write a panic attack.


	2. Fresh, Yet Bitter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like giving credit where credit is due.  
> One of my most wonderful, absolute dearest friends shared a head-canon of hers with me. Now, her idea was very different from this in a lot of ways, but both stories hinged on the exploration of nurturing and being nurtured when the struggles are all in the mind. The desire to "fix" the problem for one we care for, like setting a bone. And how that want could lead to so much pain. She was so brave, so kind as to share that world with me. (She is benevolent enough to share so many beautiful worlds with me.)  
> So I wanted to give her a very public: Thank you! ❤️
> 
> This story would not exist without her, though all of its flaws are mine alone.
> 
> Let yourselves dream, my friends. Sometimes it is the only way to heal...

She was there the next day. Levi wanted to leave, just to avoid the impending conversation. Only she did not approach him. She did not even seem to see him at first. She had been waiting for her order a good couple of minutes before her eyes widened at seeing him, quickly averting her gaze. This girl he wanted to play cards with, he would make out like a bandit. Her poker face was _awful_.

Even after seeing him, she stayed away. The initial meeting must have really had the shaggy blonde driving it. Levi relaxed a little as she just stared off into space instead of bother him. She was giving all her attention to a distant point on an invisible horizon and the music playing from her headset. A modern convenience that Levi had not picked up the habit of using, but he appreciated the existence of.

It was the second time her name was called that Levi pointed her out for Eren’s benefit. The brunette college student had not been the one to take her order, so he was not totally to blame. Levi was surprised at how she jumped when Eren seemed to startle her after her sudden noticing him, presenting her with her takeaway bag. Levi snorted at how spacey she was. Her strongest affliction was no doubt being shy, as demonstrated by her near inaudibly mumbled gratitude. Her mannerisms had changed dramatically with the absence of her brute of a sheepdog.

It was later in the week that Levi once again saw her on her own, but it seemed the staff had been seeing more of her. Eren greeted her by name as she entered, her eyes dropping away even as her smile widened. It was almost like she was getting shyer as they got to know her. Such a weird reaction.

Levi started really watching her, her strangeness did not sit well with him. He was being a bit of a creeper, in all truths, but some part of him was sure she would prefer it to his direct interaction. He was not following her around or anything. He was just observing her while they happened to be in the same place at the same time. He mentally justified his actions even as he acknowledged it was actually stalking the poor girl.

He would have ignored her if it not for Erwin’s insistance that he be friendly toward her. Something about her made Levi hesitate to talk to her, though. She reminded him a stray cat. She might come and sniff around him, but if he reached out to pet her, looked at her too directly, she would run. It was not in her actions really, but somehow there just under the surface of her. It made a niggling that creeped under Levi’s skin.

Once their paths did cross enough to have her speak to him again, she did not even seem to see him. He was holding the door for her as she was leaving and he was entering. She offered a softly uttered gratitude but did not so much as try to look at him. Something was off about her. If not for having seen her act so normal with Mike he would have had other diagnoses jumping to mind to explain away the odd behavior. He refused to ask Erwin what her story was.

After about three weeks she had started eating at the cafe rather than taking the food back to her room. It was also a bit of a mystery why it made Levi so relieved. It was just an intuitive itch that had him worrying about her constant leaving. She seemed happy enough now that everyone was getting to know her as a regular. Still, something was off.

Levi hated Erwin for even putting the idea of her being around in his head. It was all Erwin’s damn fault. Even so Levi was determined to keep an eye on her. All he could do was keep watching and hope he would eventually figure out _why_ he wanted to at all.


	3. Subjectively

Levi watched the girl enter the cafe from his regular spot at the back. Her surveying of the space was sloppy, as per usual, seeming to simply be locating the first open table on the fringe. Sometimes Levi wondered if she even noticed he was there, watching her. It had become his hobby. He found himself looking forward to her visits overlapping his.

He had noticed she had the best smile, when it came out. It was very rare that she sincerely smiled. Mostly she used a pleasantly disarming smile, hollow of any emotion at all. She also had a calm sort of curl to her lips, a mock-smile, that hid something behind it. Try as he might, he could not figure out what was underneath. Levi had been spending more of his time than he should have been, thinking about what was hidden behind that fake smile.

He hated Erwin for it, but the man was right. Levi found her intriguing. Several of the workers had also made the discovery that, while severely shy, she was very interesting. She was playful, smart, and a bit of a nerd. Levi suspected she might be hiding just how nerdy, actually. It made him all the more curious about her. It also frustrated him to no end that Erwin had seen it coming.

The two servers working today constantly reminded Levi why he was happy to not be young anymore. Krista was a petite blonde with innocent eyes and a way of making naïve sound like a complement. She tended to talk a little too much about her girlfriend but Levi could remember being young and in love. He had constantly brought the subject of Erwin into conversations, back in the day.

The other was a similarly petite, sugar sweet, ginger by the name of Petra. She was well into her second year of college and yet still managed to have a very schoolgirl crush on him. It was not a problem as Levi saw it. He was flattered by her interest, but the idealistic way she saw the world made him bristle. She was big hearted, empathizing easily with people, but she still missed the darker reality. There was a rosy tint to the world she saw, something that made the morbid realist in Levi chafe. He tried to be polite to her.

Today Krista was the one looking after the section Levi was occupying, while Petra had (F/N)’s. Levi had to keep his jaw from dropping when he noticed both girls assertively trying to get the reclusive woman to idly chat with them. They were tenacious. Levi watched in mild amusement as the older stumbled through the hazards of socializing with those in life stages she had already left behind. The submissive way she kept letting them hound her with personal questions had Levi half wanting to chase them away. The other half of him wanted to hear her answers, so he let them go.

They asked her about her work; recently unemployed, her education; out of college, and her relationship status; single. Levi wondered if Erwin and Mike knew she considered herself single. The girls asked after the oddness of her living in a hotel and she shut them down with a witty not-really-an-answer. She then changed the subject with a grace akin to Erwin’s smooth charm. It was a fascinating dichotomy, her easily maneuvering them away from topics she wanted to avoid but still seeming to flounder at making simple conversation. Levi had to try and not see himself in that.

Levi’s eavesdropping and relative stalking had netted him some other useful information about her. She was always listening to music, her headset often kept in only one ear. She owned a cat named Harris, that she tried not to talk too much about, but was her main social outlet. She had a social circle, though it was even smaller than Levi’s. Most of her stories involved either people that did not live in the city anymore or Mike. He also noticed her easygoing nature that belied her rather dark sense of humor. His discovery of that sense of humor left Levi feeling even he could earn that laugh if he tried. At times, he was struck by a wanting to be the one making her laugh.

It was somewhere in that want that had Levi finally asking Erwin the question that had been eating at him for awhile.

-Ok, I give up. What’s wrong with her?-

Erwin’s response was only slightly irritating.

-I wouldn’t say “wrong”. She’s just been struggling with depression. Her work closed suddenly, leaving her in a lurch. Her landlord let her out of her lease, the hotel being a far cheaper option. She has savings but that’s only a short term security. I’m worried about her being so isolated. She has always been a bit of a recluse.-

Levi looked at the woman giving a huge smile to the arrival of her meal. It was like the sun, all glowing and warm. A real smile. Levi knew Erwin was not the sort to misread people so significantly. This was what her depression looked like? Erwin was fallible, he could be wrong.

-Depressed? You sure?-

She looked so put together. She was freshly showered, in clean clothes. She was eating real food, not comfort ‘foods’ that were mostly garbage. He was awkward and antisocial, so he could see how maybe she was just the same as him. She did not seem depressed or to be retreating from the world. She was just an introvert, like him. Extroverts like Erwin tended to misunderstand the peacefulness and healing solitude could offer. It was the crux of their current being apart, even.Erwin just always wanted to fill the silence that Levi craved.

-She has scars under those sleeves, Levi. Do not mistake her exceptional mask for reality. I had been doing that, until Mike tore me a new one. He says she’s complex. That what’s going on with her has lots of factors. She is very good at hiding it, been doing so for most of her life. Just keep an eye on her for us, please?-

Levi looked at her again. This girl was keeping a secret? Levi knew about doing that, too. It was a bitter sort of revelation. This girl reminded Levi of himself, in some of the worst ways. At least she only cursed half as much as him and was at most a third as salty. She had that much going for her.

-I’ve got her. Don’t worry.-

Still, this whole thing seemed stupid. Levi was not the sort to play Knight in Shining Armor. He was more suited to the dragon’s role. He played his tongue over one of his canines. He preferred being seen as a monster, avoided. However, he did not need the headache Erwin would give him over it. He would not be a monster, but maybe, maybe his being the Beast was good enough.


	4. First Greetings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Mild panic attack warning~
> 
> Reader is treading water, just barely.

The cafe had to be heaven sent. Your room offered a mini fridge and a microwave but mostly had nothing to offer as a means for real cooking. The cafe had a rotating menu, and you soon came to learn that they were willing to cook pretty much anything if they had the ingredients.

Hange was eclectic but lovable and seemed to be near always working. The rest of the staff was quickly becoming friends in your mind, even if some of them were a bit too young to really hang out with. One such high schooler was your server tonight. Krista was always eager to talk with you. Somehow she had picked up your tendency for reactionary socializing, instead of seeking it out. You were happy to have the company.

She was navigating a difficult situation with her girlfriend, struggling with their considering going to different colleges. Ymir was a year ahead and the impending separation was leaving the petite blonde in knots. The two were so completely smitten but their desired futures were pulling them apart. You knew they had to find their own answers, so you simply offered up your pragmatic objectivity.

“Ymir and you will still be able to see each other if you put the effort in. She plans to stay in the state. I know it’s a few hours between here and the campus, but that’s nothing for a weekend together. Think of it as more a way to help encourage actually studying?” You offered your best guess at how to have them both get the most out the situation.

“We see each other every day right now. It’ll be so hard seeing less of each other.” Krista had the cutest little pout turning her lips.

“Get good data plans and call and text your little hearts out.” You poked your own device, headset coiled with it so you would not be misinterpreted as disinterested while talking.

The cafe was packed tonight. You had scored the last open table, right next to the drafty door, when you entered. It was pouring out so only the bravest souls were using the umbrella covered tables outside as their point of leisure. You had not even ordered yet, conversation with Krista having been a higher priority, when a rain cloud entered the eatery. It was Erwin’s ex, Levi. He tugged back his hood, umbrella left by the door to drip in the umbrella catch beside yours and several others. Krista gave you a parting smile before going to field the obvious issue of not enough tables.

“Sorry Levi, there just aren’t any free tables. You want to get something to-go?” Krista was trying to offer up a faster meal to the regular as compensation to the lack of turning tables.

Levi looked at you a long second. He seemed to sigh before walking over to you. “You’re Erwin’s friend (F/N), right? Do you mind if I sit with you? Hange tends to add things to my food and I’d rather not discover such nuisances once I’ve already gotten home.”

You only nodded, offering up the brightest smile you could muster. You were fine with the company but you were uncertain how to really engage with him. Navigating new people was just a difficult thing for you. Worse still, your knowledge of this guy warned of him having a rather steep learning curve.

“I’ll be joining her, Krista. Thanks.” Levi sat down across from you.

Krista handed him a menu and departed to let you decide on your order. The silence exclusive to your table was awkward feeling. You had a mutual friend, certainly there had to be some common ground between you. You were not a conversationalist, though. You wished for Mike or Erwin. You were fidgeting with your headset on the table, mind racing over nothing.

“What are you getting?” Levi had his head tilted slightly, trying to catch your eye.

“The breakfast platter. With bacon and a coffee.” You pointed out the item on his menu.

“You can eat all that?” Levi was raising an eyebrow at you. It was more than a lot of food.

“Not in one sitting. I can reheat my leftovers though. I get nervous coming here alone when it’s late, so this gives me a midnight snack.” You looked away from his intense gaze.

“It’s not a bad neighborhood. So you don’t need to worry. Plus it’s just across the street.” He thought a moment. “Doesn’t the hotel have security?” Levi was trying to assuage your fears as if reason could.

Food was served all day and night at the Legion’s Rallying. The main night cook, Nanaba, was as skilled a chef as Hange and had a bit of a following for it. Your insomnia had driven you out into the night in search of sustenance and the cafe was the only open source of pre-cooked real food. That probably lent to it having become the favoured hangout of so many of the other late nighters.

It was not a logical distrust. No one had been so much as rude to you. It was just _overwhelming_. Expanding on that was just frustrating when the other person did not inherently get it. You were too used to the dismissive responses people normally gave to your detailed explanation. Levi did not strike you as the sort to regularly flex his empathy, earning him the briefest answer.

“I’m not really comfortable with the night life that tends to collect here.” You still felt meek at the admittance.

“Party kids aren’t my scene either.” His words sounded forced. It was a long moment before he spoke again. “You always have your headset in. You big into music?”

His talking about it made your hand reach for your phone on the table, portable music source as vulnerable a spot to you as your ineptitude at socialising. “I’m not, like, a music buff or anything. I just... listen... a lot.”

The door opened behind you. It was a subtle flinch, one you normally hide better, adding some embarrassment to the mix of emotions rattling around in you. The group that came in was having a jovial conversation, something that bit down your spine as if they were being rowdy. The shaking started. You blinked slowly, tucking your headset around your neck, earbuds both resting near one ear, phone safely back in your pocket. You sneaked a few presses to the volume button, making the still playing music a little louder. This all went unnoticed by Levi since his eyes were all for the people that were entering.

“Oi, shut the door behind you. Idiot brats, letting the heat out.” The ice in his eyes was far colder than the breeze you only passingly noticed.

Levi stood up and draped his leather jacket over your shoulders, making your eyes go wide. Mike would have done that, maybe Erwin, but Levi’s doing so was unexpected. You were a relative stranger to him. While he was up, he fully closed the partially ajar door. He sat down again, seeming to inventory you. It was a harsh gaze, creeping over your skin, forcing your eyes to the table. You all but squirmed.

“Want to change spots with me? It’s warmer here.” Levi was speaking lowly.

“What?” You were not totally sure what had gotten into him. His coat made you a little warmer, though it was the sturdiness of the leather that you noticed, that was really helping you.

“You’re shivering, idiot. Can’t you tell you’re cold?” Levi’s words cut you.

“I’m not cold.” You huddled a little more under his leather jacket. It took more self-control than you liked to admit to keep from using it as a hood, hiding under it like a cave. The weight of it on you was such a comfort.

Levi’s eyes narrowed at you. Now you squirmed. “Tch. You drink too much coffee.”

You only nodded, unwilling to take up the fight to correct the misassumption. You looked at the counter, willing Krista to come and take your order so this nightmare could end. Your eyes kept darting from Levi’s dead expression to the herd of cheerful college kids waiting on their drinks. Your heart was racing in your ears before you had noticed it all going so far south.

You fixed your stare on the menu, ignoring the world for the safety in your mind. You tilted your head so the song you had listened to a million times before could be heard faintly from the earpiece. It was familiar, predictable. It cut the clatter of silverware, hum of a crowd, into something manageable. You focused on your breath, the feel of it going in and out your nose. You released your wandering attention that grabbed at bursts of laughter, the squeal of the espresso machine. You always came back to the feeling of air filling then emptying from your lungs. Your pulse evened out.

“You ready to order?” Krista was a bubbly boom because of your not paying attention to her approach.

Your heart was back in your throat, choking your voice right out of you. Levi seemed to notice your failing and ordered for you both. That blank mask he wore did not change as he tugged his coat a little more around you, from across the table. He licked his lips, breath taken in as if he were about to speak, but he said nothing. Moments later, it was just a click of his tongue that caught your ear as he looked at the over stuffed floor space.

“You can put your headset in. I won’t mind.” Levi did not look at you as he spoke.

“Thanks, but I don’t want to seem rude.” You turned away the offer like the trap you had learned such false kindness was.

Levi turned to look at you like you had answered him incorrectly. Just his looking at you felt like being scolded. “I know you aren’t being rude. It’s okay. You should put your headset in.”

With him watching, you used trembling fingers to put in one earbud. You adjusted the volume and had your world settled a little more on its axis. “Thank you, Levi.”

He gave a nod and you thought you might have noticed his expression change a little. It was subtle, so very subtle, but you thought his expression softened. Just like that, the silence between you became companionable. Your food came and it was somehow peaceful to share the meal with him, in relative silence. He even caught Krista’s attention for you when you were ready for a doggy bag. Levi had paid before you could protest, offer of your getting him next time waved away. All in all, it was a really nice time. Until you went to leave.

Your umbrella had sprouted legs and was just gone. It was a cheap little thing, not worth more than a cup of coffee. You were only minorly put out, considering your destination was across the street. Thing was, it was still pouring out. You had a good slicker you were putting on, Levi’s coat already returned, but that was not the same as an umbrella. Your leftovers would end up breakfast soup, even on the short trek.

Levi was watching you in that way he did. It was like each little thing you did was telling him something. It was as comforting as it was unnerving. He offered his arm as he stood in the open door, his umbrella ready to shield you both. You took his arm, keeping close to him as you walked.

Levi only faltered a step when you turned to go and use the crosswalk instead of jaywalking across the deserted street. It only kept you in the weather an extra two minutes and, with the lousy visibility from the rain, your mind would not be easily convinced to cross without the magical force field of the fading paint on asphalt. Levi simply walked with you, no comment offered.

The hotel lobby was dry and so warm it felt hot after the short walk. Levi had really saved the day for you.

“Thanks for walking me.” You were speaking more to Levi’s boots than his face.

Levi tipped your chin up with chilled knuckles. He needed gloves worse than you. “Thank you for letting me join you for dinner. I think Hange didn’t mess with my food since I ordered for both of us. Might use you for that in the future.”

The roundabout offer of eating together again left you searching those silver eyes for a joke. You found no hit of jest, only flecks of blue that had previously gone unnoticed. “I’d like that.”

Levi nodded. “Hm. Until next time, (F/N).” Levi was already turned towards the doors when he asked, “Could you have crossed the street not at the crosswalk?”

“Not without it panicking me.” You waited for his teasing, or worse chiding.

Levi only nodded. “Good to know, for the future.”

You stood there, stunned, until he was out of sight. His jaywalking to get back to the other side of the street seemed to be inconsequential when you were not on his arm. He had not chastised you. You did not know what to do with the warm feeling that made in your chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that we are building to the spooky elements so slowly, but I wanted to show a bit of the inner workings of Reader and Levi. This ends up as a more "a romantic yet cerebral mental health story (with vampires)" than a "vampire love story".
> 
> Thank you, all of you kind souls, that are soldiering on through this emotion heavy opening. ❤️
> 
> Comments, questions, critique (please aim to be constructive as this is a very personal story to me) are invited.
> 
> ❤️ Thank you for even just reading. ❤️


	5. Mediation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~vague panic attack warning, depression/hopelessness warning~

“Levi asked Erwin for your number. Which has Erwin asking me to call and ask you if you want Levi to have it.” You could hear the irritation building in Mike’s voice as he went. You had no doubts he was giving Erwin a blank faced glare while he spoke to you.

“That’s fine. Why isn’t Erwin the one asking me?” You tried to understand the purpose of the weird triangle Erwin was making.

“No damn clue. You really want that mini ice box to have your number?” Mike sounded more surprised than judging.

“We ate together the other night. It was nice. I think he is just trying to be friendly.” You had an idea blooming about Erwin’s not asking you himself. “Could you ask Erwin if he told Levi to be nice to me? Please?”

“Damnit all.” You heard Erwin confirm your suspicion from the other end of the line. “Let me talk to her.” The phone muffled as it changed hands. “More accurately, I told him not to be rude to you.”

You sighed into the phone. Erwin was only looking out for you. Levi was definitely the sort to easily rub people the wrong way. If he had not been trying, you were sure you would have a much different opinion of him.

“You don’t have to bully your ex into being my friend.” You went for his jugular anyways.

If Erwin was really only discouraging Levi from being thoughtless with you, it was alright. If not, you needed him to stop. You were happy about how things had felt after the other night. You did not want that to only have happened because Erwin had been pulling Levi’s strings.

“I promise I am not bullying him into anything. I don’t think Levi is the sort that can be bullied. Not without it going badly for the bully.” Erwin was sounding contemplative.

“I guess I forgive you then.” You smiled a little, feeling a bit better about Levi’s interest in befriending you being genuine.

“You had a good time, the other night?” Erwin’s tone made you think he had already heard a version of the night from Levi.

“Yeah. Rough start, ended with my umbrella getting stolen, but Levi saved the day. All in all, a good night.” You had a smile tugging at you lips over the memory.

“Stolen? Hm.” Erwin said nothing else for long enough that you knew he was distracted by thinking about something.

“Everything alright?” Erwin could be so in his head. You had to poke at him to get him out again.

“Hm? Oh, yes. Everything‘s fine. I was just thinking about something Levi said. I’ll pass along your number.” Erwin had a smile in his voice.

“Yeah, it’s fine with me. Uh, so he talked with you about me?” You were not sure if you wanted to know what had given Erwin pause.

“It was all good things... or at least Levi’s version of it. I’m sure I’ve mentioned how his attitude-“

“Can feel like a reprimand for existing too closely to him?” You interrupted with your firsthand experience.

“Yes, that. I’m glad you could see something beneath his caustic surface.” Erwin had a chuckle to his voice.

“He was trying.” You gave Levi his due.

“Not everyone would notice. You’ve made an impression with him. Don’t let his... being him, put you off.” Erwin was not being subtle enough in his attempt at playing matchmaker for your taste. “I’ll let you go. Talk again soon?”

“Until soon, Erwin. Let Mike know I said goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Little Wolf,” you heard Mike saying from just beyond the speaker.

“Goodnight, guys.” You giggled as you hung up.

 

~~

 

Levi stared at the contact info freshly added to his phone. It was nothing Erwin said directly, but Levi wanted to wait to contact her. Erwin was doing more of his maneuvering things and that made Levi leery. Nothing made him more cautious than Erwin saying ‘hm’.

Levi also did not want to give the wrong impression over his interest. He was simply curious about her. He was trying to ease Erwin’s stealing away so much of the heart of that shaggy sheepdog, Mike. Something about her relationship with the man just did not sit right with Levi. There was a codependency there, subtle, though it maybe. It might be enough to make Mike turn Erwin down without thinking.

Levi was not such a bastard as to not have his own interests in befriending her. She was a timid thing, but when she opened up it was magical. He was not the only one to notice. Everyone at the cafe was fond of her. Even Nanaba, one to see the least of their skittish stray, had noticed her enough to like her. Her likability was nothing like Erwin’s charisma, though. It was a softer benevolence, something Levi did not normally bother to look for in others. If not for Erwin’s pestering, this girl never would have caught Levi’s eye.

So why was he staring at her number? He was far too old to have some childish crush. He only wanted to be friends. That was it. He closed and locked his phone. He was resolute that he would not text her until tomorrow.

He lasted an hour.

 

~~

 

It was only a bit after your talk with Erwin that Levi texted you an awkward note about giving you his number. You read it again trying to find his intended tone to the message.

-It’s Levi. Eyebrows gave me your number, said he checked with you first. Now you have mine.-

You did not know how to really respond to that. You simply texted a ‘thank you’, and walked away for your phone. Until you came back to read his message again. Was he expecting more from you? Had your message been too brisk? He was a blunt person. He would probably read your message as being ‘to the point’. But maybe-

-have you eaten yet tonight?-

The screen lit up with the new message, derailing your fretting. You looked at the clock and had your eyes widen. It was later than you realized.

-Not yet. Should be heading over.-

You started tugging on your shoes, tossing on a coat. You were collecting your wallet when another text appeared.

-I’ll meet you in the lobby.-

Your heart started to race. You were not quite ready for him to be right there. You fumbled your phone, tripped over the cat, and almost fell gracelessly into a heap on the floor. You huffed, collecting your nerves. You were going to take the elevator down. Clearly your finer motor skills had been lost in the surge of adrenaline, hindering your ability to do more demanding tasks... like walking and holding things. You took a few slow breaths trying to calm yourself.

It was just Levi. It was fine. You would be fine.

You focused on recollecting yourself on the way down. You had stuffed your hands in your pockets, fine tremble hidden from view. You rolled your jaw to be sure your pleasant smile was loose enough it would not appear forced. You consciously pulled the panic from your eyes. It was all for naught when that armor stripping gaze found you.

It was unfair. He was just standing in the middle of the lobby, looking bored. He was relaxed, head listing to one side a little at your arrival. It took more effort than you ever liked admitting to keep up the happy facade under the scrupulous stare.

“You’re having a late dinner too?” You were proud of how the fear was not evident in your voice in the slightest.

“Yeah. Time got away from me. Figured I’d try and enlist your help in keeping Hange from messing with me.” He turned, once again offering you his arm.

You felt clumsy in your taking hold of him. It was nice, so very nice, but you hoped he would not notice the shake to your fingers. Maybe he would blame caffeine again, if he noticed. He walked to the crosswalk, pausing long enough for you to be sure it was safe. He was holding back his purposeful gate to match your pace. It was helping you calm down. Levi was not Mike, but he was helping you all the same.

Entering the already buzzing cafe was nothing. Finding a table in the thick of the people was fine. You and Levi did not talk much, though what conversation there was felt easy. You did not miss your forgotten headset at all. It was a good time. You were so enjoying his company, the lingering in the cafe did not even register. When the impromptu meet up had reached its end, Levi walked you all the way to your door.

“Hange really doesn’t want to risk screwing up _your_ order. I’m definitely having you join me more often.” Levi was leaning back on his heel as you dug out your keycard.

“Want to come in? Meet Harris?” You were unsure of what else to say.

“Next time.” Levi’s head tilted for the second time in the whole night. He only seemed to do that when you were not looking at him. “See you again soon.”

“Yeah, until soon!” You were genuinely excited by the prospect.

It was that brisk stride that took him down the hall and away from you. He really was making such an effort for you. You were going to be sure and grill Erwin. You really hoped it was all just sincere effort on Levi’s part.

Only once the door closed, only when your shoes were off and your leftovers stored, did it hit you. The panic attack was on you like a freight train. You were playing the roll of both the villain tying the knots and the damsel roped to the tracks.

You started to hyperventilate. The shakingmade the muscles in your hands ache. Your shoulder muscles clenched hard as you brushed the wall. You huddled into yourself. You scrounged frantically through your laundry to find Mike’s borrowed hoodie. You dove under your blankets, layers of plush used to insulate you from the world.

 _Damnit_. You had only yourself to blame. You had over done it. It had been stupid to think you could be normal. It was foolish. It had been so nice, _easy_ , but that was not your life. It would never be your life. You cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a reminder, I use a subjective narrator. Not an omnipotent one. That means the narrator is speaking from the perspective of a single character, NOT OBJECTIVELY about reality. We all see the world through our own subjective lenses, and I enjoy drawing attention to that. The hopelessness will pass.


	6. Levee

It was after the fourth time eating with Levi that he came in to meet Harris. The way your cat seemed to take a perverse joy in running the full of his white furred body along Levi’s pristine black jeans was too much. It was like he knew it bothered Levi. Those mismatched eyes held a certain amount of contempt for the man entering his territory.

“I’m bigger than you, cat.” Levi stoopeddown to scratch behind your cat’s ears. “Don’t think that you’ll be able to best me. I’m better at cleaning than you are at shedding.”

“Please don’t challenge him to shed more efficiently. I can barely keep up as is.” You were only half joking, maybe less than half.

Levi only turned those mirth filled eyes up to you. Dare you say it, you were starting to get a read on him. His constantly blank expression did change. It was subtle, relegated mostly to his eyes. He was, you hoped, becoming a real friend to you.

Levi stood up and surveyed your room. He was nodding to himself. Much like Mike had, he checked a few things. The locks on your windows, even with your being on the fourteenth floor, seemed the most important to him.

“There’s no screens.” He was looking at Harris with concern.

“Means I won’t be opening the windows very wide, if at all.” You had every hope your cat would not be stupid enough to fall out a window when this high up. The fact that he had fallen off the bed the other day did not bolster your confidence. You planned to keep the windows closed.

Levi nodded. He moved the curtains around a bit. It reminded you of when Harris first noticed them. Levi was hidden behind them a moment before coming out. He seemed to be lost in thought. He looked at your bed, then the curtains, then your bed again. He huffed out a sigh and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Want me to talk to someone about your comforter not matching?” Levi had a sneer pulling on his stoic expression.

“Oh, it’s my own comforter. When Mike was here he noticed ‘an odor’ with the supplied one. I like using my own blankets anyways.” You smiled at him, heart glowing at his want to make sure you were treated appropriately. “I don’t mind that they don’t match.”

“Odor?” Levi’s eyebrows furrowed. “He really is a fucking sheepdog.”

You giggled softly. “Erwin never mentioned? Yeah. Mike is highly sensitive, too. He is really sensitive to smells.” You absentmindedly took in a deep breath, checking the quality of what your not quite as dominant sense of smell could notice.

“Too? As in you’re highly sensitive?” Levi had a curiosity in his eyes.

“Uh, yeah.” You felt sheepish. “For me it’s more auditory and tactile things, less smells. Our heads just gather info, like everyone else, but we are subconsciously looking at the info _more_. Like I’ll notice, really feel the seam at the toe of my socks sometimes. Damnit. Now I’m noticing my socks.” You mumbled your discontent at accidentally directing your focus.

“All the time?” Levi was looking at you as if you had become fragile. You hated his seeing you like that.

“No. Not all the time.” It always made you snicker when folks thought it must be like a permanent sort of overstimulation. “Mostly I parse the information and deal with it, just like you. I just have more I’m sorting out, makes me go a little slower. There are skills I’ve picked up to help with that, too. It’s all about learning to be in my skin, not expecting the world to adapt to me.”

No one liked hearing about other people struggling in a way they could do nothing about. It was a part of the human condition, wanting to help, to fix the problem. Just like the mismatched comforter and curtains, Levi would want to fix this. Thing was, you were not broken. You were just different. It was hard to explain to anyone but Mike. He really got it, living such a similar life.

“I’m not perfect. I can get really polarised. Like I won’t hear someone calling my name, notice a hand on my shoulder, at all. Overcompensating in the other direction to prevent overstimulation.” You were trying to think about anything but the the seams of your socks. You focused on Levi.

His breathing was shallow, posture one of reflection. No doubt he was putting all he previously knew about you into the frame you had just offered. You hated seeing yourself through that lens. You held back the part that made it all worse. He would jump to a conclusion. He would assume you were even more broken, too broken.

“What does ‘overstimulated’ look like with you?” Levi finally asked.

“I’m fine Levi. I was born with this. I’ve learned to live with it. Most of the time I’m totally fine.” You gave him your best disarming smile.

“Tch. Not what I asked, brat.” Levi was curt.

You were proud of yourself for not flinching at his tone. “I just get jumpy or distant. Mostly I clam up, kinda hide in my head. Beyond that is shutting down, kinda going non-responsive. At worst a panic attack. Heart rate up, hyperventilation.”

“Hm.” Levi was fidgeting with his sleeves. “There isn’t a way for me to make it easier for you? Something I can do to stop the cascade?”

You gave a bright laugh. “Sweet of you to want to. It’s all cognitive behavior training. Bolstering a skill set of coping mechanisms. Something I have to do. Just keeping my tolerance levels in mind.” You hated telling him this, but you could not lie to him about it.

His eyes widened a moment before his mask was back in place. “So nothing I can do.” His disappointment stabbed you in the heart.

“Not really. I mean, you can be forgiving of my not always being as outgoing as other people. That can be really hard for some folks to do.” You tried to give him something he could do to help you, simple sounding as it might be.

Accepting you was something most people did not even notice they did not do.So many did not even try. The expectation was that you would just magically conform to being like everyone else.That was as possible as a person with an astigmatism just waking up one day and not needing their glasses anymore. You had no interest in apologizing for not being like everyone else, so anyone that demanded it earned very little of you. On the other hand, if he did this one thing, it would mean so much to you. Maybe a little too much.

“I doubt we are ever going to run into the issue of me wanting you to be more social. I’m a reclusive bastard myself.” He looked at you with all the acceptance those cool eyes could offer.

You wished he was right.

“Levi?” You were feeling all sorts of vulnerable.

“Hm?” He took a step closer hand lifting, but then he dropped it, thinking better of touching you.

It stung, that space he was gifting you. “Thanks, for wanting to make it better.”

“Of course. Who wouldn’t?” Levi shoved his hands in his pockets. You recognized the look. He wanted to get away, leave. “I should let you get back to your day. Thanks for letting me stay for so long.”

You hid your disappointment behind a big smile. “Thanks for inviting me to eat with you again.”

“I enjoy your company.” You wished you believed him.

“We’ll do it again soon, then.” Your heart hurt with the distance rushing in.

“Yeah. Soon.” Levi was rushing out the door. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Levi.” You locked the bolt after a few moments, once you were sure he had walked away.

The melancholy was heavy. It was such a shame, but that was how it always went. You were too difficult to navigate, had too demanding of needs. Maybe he would stay a friend? You really hoped so. All the same, you mourned. The dream of a new friend had been so nice while it lasted.

 

~~

 

Levi stood outside the cafe, looking up at her window. His mind was racing. How could he have been so inconsiderate? He loved his solitude. He knew how therapeutic it was to have time to himself. He had intruded into her space, nearly crossed the line of _touching_ her. His attempt at a consolatory pat would have been like assaulting her. He was swimming in guilt. He had stayed too long, unknowingly asked too much of her. And she had just _smiled_ at him.

Nanaba stretched one long leg out to poke Levi in the knee. “What are you looking at?”

“(F/N)’s window.” Levi had no reason to lie.

“Anyone ever tell you you have a tendency to obsess?” Nanaba was snickering at him.

“You. At least once a decade.” Levi rested his head back, not looking away from the point of his focus.

“She’s cute. You full on hunting or just toying?” Nanaba was the sort to not step between anyone and their prey, Levi being no exception.

“Keeping. Potentially.” Levi sighed. “She might not be interested. Might be a real issue that.”

“Oh? Why?” Nanaba took a sip of coffee, eyes brimming with curiosity.

“She has a permanent condition. Might be enough to make her too tired to want to sign up for the long haul.” Levi tore his eyes away long enough to pick up his tea. “Erwin wants her boyfriend to join us. I’m thinking Eyebrows is right, they are a package deal. Can’t get one without the other.”

“You have a permanent condition. Didn’t stop you for saying yes after only six months.” Nanaba was a bit too glib for Levi’s taste.

“Condition?” He took the bait, knowing damn well the next thing would be a jab.

“Yeah, asshole. Chronic.” Nanaba was straight faced.

“I can fire you.” Levi was equally bland.

“Then you’d only have Hange to cook for you. Good luck with that.”

“Shit.” Levi sighed. “You’re damn lucky I don’t want to cook for myself.”

“Heh.” Nanaba stood up. “Well, breaks over for me. I vote mind fuck her if all else fails. It’s been over a century. Erwin needs this.”

Levi bristled at the thought. “I’d rather not.”

Nanaba was at the door before offering the parting shot. “You need this too, I think.” The door closed before Levi could get out more than a click of tongue as retort.

Levi looked at the window with its glowing flicker, showing that the tv was on and the lights were off. Maybe Nanaba had an idea, if not a disgusting execution. He would not mess with anything, be careful not to shift anything on her. There were worse things than his just peeking. He could learn so much about her. He had left the window unlocked, after all. He could just check in on her while she slept- He shook the thought right out of his head.

She was doing fine. He needed to not rock the boat. Maybe once she had her life back in order it would even be appealing, their offer. Making up for all the wasted time learning to live by giving her more of it. Levi simply watched the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As an aside I feel I need to note that while I do identify as having the trait of being highly sensitive described here, I also have a central auditory processing disorder (totally different things that do have points of overlap in how I experience the world). I will be attempting to keep Reader in the more relatable field of Highly Sensitive (everyone senses things, Reader and Mike are just subconsciously dissecting it _more_ ), but my own subjective qualities might make my representation too personal.  
> My descriptions should not be used to assign or deny this trait of yourself or others.  
> We all live in the world, we all experience it uniquely. Much as we would like to say we can be homogenized into a single package, we can't. Much as we want to say we are totally unique is also untrue. If Reader is struck she feels it, she bruises. The pain maybe subjective, the mark made specific to only her, but we all understand pain.  
> My point being, I know not everyone will be able to identify with Reader in this, but I hope there will be enough similarity to the human experience that we can all see ourselves in her struggle.  
> Thank you for coming this far with me. ❤️


	7. Ghosted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so very sorry to have taken so long to answer the comments on my previous chapter. I was thinking about how to express my love for all of you and your truly wonderful act of giving me feedback on such a special work of mine... and then I noticed what this chapter was already titled.  
> I'm sorry ~I~ ghosted on you all for a minute there. Please know that your comments meant the world to me and made my heart swell with such affection and just... I love you, so very much!
> 
> I love all of you, in fact. Every last soul to click on this story, I love you. Thank you for taking the time.
> 
> *cough* Right, story.
> 
> ^tags, so many of those tags matter this chapter. Reader does not have a traditional eating disorder, but she does have trouble eating at times and that might be even more triggering to someone with a proper eating disorder. It is never a huge thing but there is too much of the metaphor of nurturing hinging on the gifting of food in this story for me to not feel like that tag needs to be there. Also please note the few new additions. We don't go as dark as many of my stories but that hardly matters if this is the first of my works you're reading.
> 
> I swear I will eventually not write a damn novel of warnings before each chapter. Those will be the ones that hit the hardest.

“Have you heard from her?” Levi was not stopping his pacing. “It’s been a week since the last time I saw her.”

Erwin sighed. He rested his head on his own arm along the back of the couch. Levi knew he was meant to be nestling under that arm. He was in no mood for it. That moony eyed brat was missing. No one at the cafe had seen her either. Even Nanaba had not seen her in four days. She had no kitchen to be cooking on her own. She was kidnapped, she had to be kidnapped. The alternative made Levi feel too guilty.

Levi opened up the one-sided conversation filling his phone screen and showed it to Erwin. “Was it me? Did I scare her off?”

Erwin was scrolling through the messages in a contemplative silence. Erwin’s being the single most Machiavellian person Levi had ever met left a sense of expectation in the raven. Erwin could navigate the best course of action, had to know how to fix this. Levi’s anxiety was increasing an octave higher ever minute Erwin stayed quiet. It was screeching roar of dissonance in Levi’s head when Erwin’s words cut in.

“She ghosted on you too, then. Mike will not be happy to hear that.” Erwin offered Levi back his phone. “We were hoping she was just distracted by you.”

“She hasn’t been in touch with her Sheepdog?” Levi was back to worrying about abduction.

“She’s been known to retreat rather suddenly. ‘Go dark’ as it were.”Erwin’s use of an espionage term did not lighten Levi’s mood as much as had been intended.

“Why? She seemed fine.” Levi was frustrated with himself.

He had been trying. He had scared her away anyways. Poor skittish little stray girl. It was hope that filled him as he sat next to Erwin. If anyone knew how to coax her back out, it was him. The length of Erwin’s life alone afforded him so much experience. That Erwin was more than willing to play dirty did not hurt, either.

“That is a mystery that only she holds the answer to.” Erwin started to massage Levi’s neck, tension being eased, but not erased.

“You’ve never... looked?” Levi tried to relax into Erwin’s practiced affection.

“Too afraid of what I’d see.” The sincerity in his voice made Levi feel sick.

“What about him?” Mike was not in her head, but that did not mean there was not some insight to gain from him. Mike’s subconscious might hold answers to questions no one had ever thought to ask.

“His dreams are more of me. You’ve started cropping up rather often.” The husk in Erwin’s voice hinted at the type of dreams Mike was having. “A rather interesting polarisation. You are either dominating him, or him you. He’s been asking for power play lately. Enough that I breached the subject of your joining us, mentioned my interest in looking into it being the four of us.” Erwin pecked Levi’s forehead.

“Tch, I’m too busy worrying over _his_ girlfriend to want to fuck any of you.” The way Levi was melting under Erwin’s hand showed his words were not actually that true.

“You like her.” Erwin’s tone was only slightly teasing.

“You knew I would.” Levi was terse over the subject.

“No, I knew you would want to befriend her. I only hoped you’d like her.” Erwin was keeping his tone measured.

Levi caught what Erwin was implying anyways. “I’m only interested in being her friend.”

“Hm.” Erwin kissed the top of Levi’s head.

Levi only sulked, not wanting to protest too much.

 

~~

 

You looked at your vibrating phone, reading the lit screen in a slight haze. Mike was calling again. You rolled over, retreating a little more under your blankets.

After the crushing realization that Levi might have been lost to you as a friend, you had pushed to go to the cafe at night, when you knew he would not be there. It was a bit childish but you felt better about it than torturing yourself with him slowly drifting away. The night cook was nice, would sit and talk with you if the evening was slow enough. You liked Nanaba.

Sadly, Nanaba’s company was too infrequent to combat the strain from the after hours clientele. The loud kids fresh from the club and unpredictability of the famished drunks was just too draining. You were pushing too hard, but you really wanted to not over burden Levi’s fragile friendship, drive him away even faster.

Worse still, the late nights had twisted your sleep schedule. It left you missing Levi’s texts until it was too late to respond. By the time you realized it was happening, you were living off of gas station sandwiches and instant coffee. You were losing ground. The cafe had stopped feeling safe.

Your phone vibrated again. You looked at it but did not move to answer it. The knock on the door was soft, but made your heart attempt to jump out of your chest, just to slam into your ribcage like a startled canary. You half expected to die on the spot. You laid in bed, hoping whoever it was would just leave.

“Little Wolf, open the door, please?” Mike’s voice was as soft as it could be and still carry through the door.

“I stink.” You hollered from under your covers.

“Okay. That doesn’t interfere with your ability to open a door.” Mike had that patience in his voice that said he would stay at that door until you opened it. Levi had it right, Mike was a sheepdog.

“I’m gross.” You tried to not let the tears fill your voice.

“Don’t care.” The door creaked as Mike leaned on it, letting you hear him settling in for the wait. “Please let me in. I brought your favorite, it’s going cold.”

You slinked out from under the covers, dragging one blanket with you. You wore the thin armor like a hooded cloak. You opened the door slowly, ready to shut it again if for some reason you needed to. It was an unreasonable fear. Seeing your mind doing it made you slouch.

Mike came in with loaded arms. It took you a minute to figure out how Mike knew you were being a deep end reclus. Then it hit you. Levi had ratted you out. That made an ambivalent swelling in your chest.

Mike was unpacking the current meal, extra food getting tucked away in the fridge or where Harris could not get at it. “Come and eat.”

He kicked off his shoes, coat draped on a chair, before he walked away from your food. He was sitting on the foot of the bed to let you have your meal without his contact. He knew you so well. It was so unfair that he was in love with Erwin, drifting further away from you. It threatened to make your throat too tight to swallow. The crying started and you chewed around your tears. Mike only waited for you to finish eating.

When you finally came to join him, he was pulling back the covers, joining you in the bed. You curled up with him, letting him hold you and watch the show that was on. He was rubbing his hands over you, petting you almost, while giving the most securing of hugs.

“Levi is worried he offended you somehow.” Mike spoke during a commercial.

“He didn’t.” You burrowed a little into Mike’s chest, not even really watching anyways.

“He wants to have dinner with you tomorrow. Think you can do that?” Mike kissed the top of your head.

“Maybe.” You mumbled because you were not sure whether or not you were lying.

“Would it be better if I came too?” Mike hugged you a little tighter. You wished he would crush you to bits.

“No.” You knew it would not help in the slightest.

“Can he bring you food here?” Mike was looking for a way to loosen the noose of fear that was around your neck.

“Yes.” You were not sure Levi would not have as hard a time getting you to open the door as Mike just had.

“I’m telling him not to leave until you are fed.” Mike cut your mind off at the pass.

“Scared.” You told Mike like he did not already know.

“He won’t hurt you.” Mike was so certain, it helped, a little.

“Not of Levi.” You were feeling sick. It made you wonder when the last time you had eaten was, this meal disagreeing with you so quickly.

“He’ll keep you safe.” Mike’s faith in that was exactly what you needed.

“Can you stay while I shower?” You were afraid to let go of him.

“Of course.” Mike started to pull off your clothes.

You were naked under the blankets, him still fully clothed. He was using firm pressure to keep your skin from crawling away. He let you wrap yourself in a blanket to walk to the shower. You left the door slightly ajar, closing it completely being too dangerous an action.

When you came out the linen was changed and Mike was holding up the covers in an invitation. You dove into the bed, nude body feeling worse than raw in its nakedness. You loved water, loved getting clean, but hated the way your skin felt bombarded by each drop. Baths were not much better. Mike stripped his hoodie and put it on you. There was nothing sexual in either of you right now. To say there was nothing intimate about it was equally untrue.

“Want me to spend the night?” Mike was only holding you, knowing you were too stimulated after the shower for rubbing.

“If you can.” You hid more under the fresh blankets.

“Yep. Erwin is... at a friends.” There was a smile in his voice. You were too drained to ask after it. “I work in the morning, so I’ll need to leave early, but I can stay.” He was whispering.

“Thank you, Mike.” You started to really relax for the first time in days.

“Any time, my Little Wolf. Anytime.”


	8. Chewing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A copious number of the tags come into play here, including non-consensual blood drinking and non-consensual voyeurism. There are non-consensual elements happening alongside Reader having a steamy dream. It could be triggering to anyone that is sensitive to such themes so I’m warning about it here.

“You’re an idiot. Touch. Her. Don’t freak out if she jumps, you are allowed to touch her. Just keep it _polite_.” Mike had a possessive lilt to the last part. “She wanted you to stay. Wanted you to casually touch her.”

Levi had to pull the phone away from his ear, Mike’s dressing down having some real bark to it. He had not expected Mike to get so angry when he explained what happened during his last time seeing her, his first meeting with Harris. “What? Bullshit. She said-“

“She said what was expected of her, what she thought you wanted. You need to understand, she has spent her whole life learning to appear normal, to fake being what’s expected. She doesn’t know how to ask for anything she needs that doesn’t meet that end.” Levi could hear the irritation building in Mike’s voice as he went. “She didn’t want you thinking she was weird so she said whatever you were currently projecting was the thing to do. If you’re really worried, ask her if you can. Phrase it like you want to, not that she might want you to. Be firm in expressing your interest.”

“That goes both fucking ways. I don’t want her saying I can just because-“

“Do you really think she is so timid that she can’t voice a request to not be touched, if she doesn’t want you to?” Mike was indignant on her behalf.

“Yes.” Levi was equally on the defensive for her. “I think she would let _us_ touch her even when she needed to not be touched.”

Mike was silent long enough that Levi knew he had made a valid point.

“She is desperate to be touched, Levi. She is starved for someone that she can trust to be that close with. She’s not lonely, but she is painfully alone. She might let us touch her, even when she needs space, because she needs _us_. The need to be touched in general, to be connected to us, is more important than not getting touched in that moment.” Mike was a rumble of impending wrath. “You pull away and she will retreat even faster than you. She will run.”

“I can out run her.” Levi knew it was not a physical running he had to worry about.

“You had fuckin’ better.” Mike’s threat was unspoken, but Levi heard it loud and clear.

 

~~

 

Everything was going to be fine. Mike had talked with Levi. He promised you that Levi was going to be a help and linger only if you wanted him to. Mike had also stated that if need be you could call or text him and he would mediate. Erwin was also standing by if you did not think Mike could handle it. They could tell Levi what you needed, if it was really just all going wrong.

It was awkward at first. Your pride was strong enough to get you to open the door when he first knocked. It was after a long, broken, conversation about the show that just happened to be on the screen that Levi noticed you were only reacting. He seemed to realize you did not need him to try so hard to engage in conversation. Silence was allowed between you.

“You hungry?” Levi adjusted two chairs, setting out the food on the room’s desk in the absence of a real table.

“I can eat.” You answered with a phrase you expected the real meaning of escaped him. You sat down, back held too straight.

“Mike warned me that you might need more space while eating. Want me to eat on the bed?” Levi adjusted his chair a little more away from yours.

“It’s fine. You’re fine.” You did not want Levi put out. He also struck you as the sort to worry over crumbs on bedsheets.

“Tch. Right. Sorry. I’ll try to stop being some ass of a mother hen.” Levi was shaking his head.

You only nodded, unsure of how to navigate his honesty.

The meal was only just started when the sound of your chewing seemed to be louder than the show. It bothered you beyond reason. You wanted noise, any noise but that of your eating, but it was too weird an issue for you to try and correct. If you moved Levi was going to assume _he_ had done something wrong. Your chewing had slowed, appetite declining under the stress of your focused observation.

Levi stood up suddenly. He walked around you, just enough space given to keep from bumping you, but still feeling close. He turned the volume up by two bars, looking his question at you. You were shocked. Mike had thought to mention, and Levi had noticed. You nodded your gratitude. You could keep eating now.

After the meal, sitting around and talking was attempted. That quickly fell into an awkward silence filled with the sound of a show neither of you were watching. Levi stood up suddenly, making you flinch ever so slightly. He only sighed and clicked his tongue in that irritated way. He climbed into the bed, lifting the covers for you to join him.

“Come on. We might as well relax instead of staring at each other like idiots.” When you still had not moved, he grimaced at his own words before giving a pat to the spot beside him. He tried again. “Shit, sorry. I just mean it’d be nice to have you sitting with me."

You wanted to dive under the covers, safety being right there. You were hesitant in your joining him, unsure if you might be getting too close to him. You wiggled under the covers slowly, watching him out of the corner of your eye. You were not touching him, but his close proximity still helped. He settled a little, moving that smallest amount closer to you, accepting you into his space.

It seemed Mike had made it clear you just needed a little bit of company taking the first steps out of your sanctuary. This was the building of that bond, Levi’s becoming a safe haven for you. Levi’s being with you would help ease your fears. He was backup, a partner in taking on the world. It made you heart a little warmer, his willingness to try so hard for you. His friendship even under these circumstances would help. You needed it so badly, but would never have sought it out.

It was after yet another episode of some random show that you started to drift off. Your eyelids were heavy, but your mind was too loud to hope to sleep.

“Oi, Daydreamer?” Levi poked your forehead, drawing your drooping attention up to him. “You can go to sleep whenever you like. My sleep pattern is... unpredictable. So I’m up for a long while yet.”

“You don’t have to stay.” You were not sure what Mike had said about your sleeping.

“I want to, if you don’t mind.” Levi was watching you closely. “If it might help, I’d really like to stay.”

You nodded, huddling down a little. Levi was slow, overly cautious as he pulled you against him, half-hug used to hold you. He was using his peripheral vision to watch your reaction.

“This alright?” He was so impossibly still.

“Yeah. This is nice.” You closed your eyes.

After a few minutes Levi started humming. You did not recognize the tune, so your mind found it easy to focus on. He just kept humming the same song, over and over. You drifted along with the melody as it became more familiar. Soon enough, you fell all the way under.

 

~~

 

Her pulse was a soft flutter as she slept. Levi had stopped watching the tv for the simple evidence of the steady beat of that heart. He had his own trepidation over doing what even Erwin had not braved. Her mind was in such a dark place. Her dream would no doubt taste bitter. Worse yet, it could be the sourest of nightmares. Still, Levi needed to know. Disgusting meal as it might be, Levi had to see.

His fangs lowered, mouth watering at the hope of her having a pleasant dream. He rolled her limp form onto him more, improving the angle. He delicately exposed her neck, anticipation on his tongue. The resistance of her skin was brief. His fangs punctured without any effort needed, warm liquid entering his mouth in an instant. His own mind fogged and the dream enveloped him, letting him join her in her head.

“Don’t let go.” She was clinging to him, heels spurring hips into the collision of hers.

“Fuck.” Someone else was speaking through what Levi perceived as his mouth. The voice was not his own, but he did recognize it. Mike.

It was what should have been Levi’s hands moving instead as Mike’s, entirely on their own. Her dream was what directed them, not Levi in his roll as passenger. Levi only passingly noticed her scars. It intrigued him. Most did not carry their scars in dreams. It was only because of Mike’s thrusting into her, worshiping over ever inch of her, that Levi spotted them. Levi could have let more of the sensation reach him, but he was eager to simply witness her subconscious, not get distracted by her arousal.

She arched her back, soft pleasurable cry of the beast’s name making Levi smirk. Oh how she did care for her Sheepdog. Sex in dreams did not necessarily translate into affection even, but Levi had a very unique angle to see it all from. He was also getting her emotional frame work, the drive behind the fabrication of her mind. He could tell she loved the man deeply. Freud would have killed to have such insight of emotion coupled with the simple imagery.

She was orchestrating everything. Each image holding only the meanings she assigned it. The pull of the dream was a strong tide Levi need only allow to play out. He was naught but a voyeur, seeing the world through what best suited to his blending invisibly into the dream. In this instance he was Mike as he drove her into a mattress.

Even knowing it was possible, Levi was not ready when it happened. He had heard about it before, but never experienced it firsthand. Disembodied fear flared in her subconscious. It was an echo of her waking emotions she was processing while asleep. The dream shifted in answer. Mike’s mouth warped and filled with dagger sharp teeth set in a sandy hued muzzle. Fur and claws, humanoid but not human. A werewolf?

The emotions in her surged again and Mike, with Levi as an internal onlooker, snarled. He licked along her breastbone, up and over her cheek. It was a swirl of too many feelings for Levi to pick out just one of her reactions. He felt the focusing intent behind the brute, or rather what she had placed as Mike’s motives. The wolf was hungry for her.

Mike was still pounding into her, erratic and sloppy. The toughness of the treatment made Levi wonder. She had such trust for him filling her, not discomfort. Her hands were tangling in his fur, pulling him close. Even with the fear echoing in her, the pleasure of having him was winning. The pride Levi felt for her resilience was almost too much, almost nudged the wolf into showing his emotion to her. Levi pulled his emotions and mind back some more, physical body in the waking world tearing his own lip. He would suckle the wound until his blood healed her, staying with her in the dream until then.

Levi felt her impending climax moments before it smashed into her. He watched her as her dream world rocked with her orgasm. It was the surge of that release that nudged at Levi. It was something he could embrasse to ride like a surfer on the crest of a wave, or let pass him by totally unfelt. To ride it would have been amazing, possibly even bringing his own distant body to cumming with her, but Levi did not want to trespass into such personal intimacy. His lovely Dreamer was not some pleasure dispenser. He stayed objective, letting her offer go by purely observed.

She was beautiful, raw and so perfectly herself. Levi found her so stunning, pinned down under this beast, lost in rapture. Levi was unprepared as lupin jaws opened and found her throat. The dream had not shifted. There was no bloom of fear in her? The jaws closed and her throat was ruin. Levi had to fight his instincts to take control of the wolf, to stop it from tearing into her.

“I'll eat you down. Your broken heart, your salty tears, my shattered and fragmented Little Wolf. I wanted nothing but your happiness, but if it is sadness that fills you, I will eat that instead.” Mike’s voice was gravely with the thickness he was devouring.

As the beast started to savage into her chest, searching out her impossibly still beating heart, Levi felt it. Peacefulness, balming and warm. As the wolf ate, the phantom of distant fears ebbed. As warm red bathed them both, her bones were snapping, shifting under flesh. She suddenly burst forth from the pile of ruination into a wolf herself. Levi could only marvel at her. Blue and white fur, bright and immaculate, free of any gore. He only glimpsed her beauty for an instant before the fog parted.

The dream ended there, for Levi. The wound to her neck had healed, their bond severed. Even with the nightmarish twist, she had tasted so good, beyond delicious even. The ending had been a dessert better than anything Levi had ever had before. He rested his head against hers. She was ‘complex’, Mike had told Erwin. Levi had never witnessed such internal struggle before. Labelling her as depressed was wrong. That was their first error.

The depression was at most a symptom. The injury in her steamed from fear, not drowning sadness. A nameless fear, that she felt was eating her alive. The metamorphosis at the end was what struck Levi the hardest. It had changed her for the better, in her mind. The fear was not an enemy to be vanquished, but rather an alley yet to be won over.

“Complex? Tch, Little Dreamer, you are simply wondrous.” Levi muttered his praise, not wanting to wake her. He settled in to watch whatever was on the tv, overjoyed to hold her as she dreamed of romping in the wilds with her sheepdog in wolf’s clothing.


	9. Echoing Mind

Going to the cafe had been a bad plan. It had only been a day. You were too eager to just be better, to have recouped enough to get back to your regular self. You had just been so excited to go with Levi to eat. You were not handling the outing at all well. The cafe was too crowded, not enough space to even move. Levi had an arm across your shoulders, separation from you in the bustle something he was not going to allow. He was being a wall at your back, solid and protective. It helped, but not enough. You were trembling.

“Tch, damn concert must’ve let out early. Come on Daydreamer. Nanaba’s the one cooking so it’ll be easier for us to just go back.” Levi was pulling you around to behind the counter.

“Levi, I don’t think we’re allowed-“

“Oi? Boss? I know it’s busy but you’re really not willing to wait... Oh! Hey, (F/N)! You cooking something for her yourself?” Nanaba had a playful smirk, tone clearly inferring Levi was about to flex his culinary skills for you.

“Shut it and cook your damn tickets. Shitty assed brats out there aren’t leaving ‘til you do.” Levi just kept you walking.

Levi led the way to the back through the kitchen. The staff was too busy to say anything to you or Levi, beyond some curious looks. Once you were out of the cooking space you were in a hall with three doors. The door on the left was held open for you by a tense Levi. He must have been thinking about how busy his workers were.

The room you entered was an employee break area, one that sported a very pleasant layout of tables. It felt more like a private extension of the cafe, less an employee lunch room. It was already a lot quieter than the packed main eating area. The door had not even closed all the way behind you when Nanaba’s head peeked in.

“No, seriously Levi, we’re so slammed. You cooking for yourself or do I need to juggle in an order that has no ticket?”

“I’ve got us. You just worry about the crowd. Oi, do me a favor?”

“Hm?” Nanaba gave a playful tilt of head, lightening your mood with a bright eyed side smile.

“Keep the other brats from coming back here.” Levi was already heading back to the kitchen war zone. “(F/N), you stay here and collect yourself. Make yourself at home. I’ll be back with our dinner.”

“Okay.” You were too busy processing Levi’s apparent authority within the cafe to even wonder after what he was going to make for you to eat.

They left you, talking shop like they had worked together for years. You sat at one of the tables, feeling a little less rattled now that you were not in a churning sea of people. The space was immaculate, as the cafe always was. You were listening to your music from one earbud for maybe five minutes, when Nanaba reappeared.

“Brought you a coffee. It’s a madhouse out there so it can be hard to keep track of everything. You doing alright?” Nanaba always managed to stay so mellow around you. That calm air was just what you needed.

“Thanks. Yeah, I’m okay. It was just really crazy in there. Not what I was expecting.”

“The concert got cut short. Crowd seems happy enough but it was half an hour shorter than any of our low estimates. Thankfully staff could rush in. Levi’s also doing a bit here and there, so don’t bust his chops too much for taking so long.” Nanaba left you with a wink, too busy to linger.

It was a longer wait than you expected, sitting in the silent room. You put in both earbuds but it only made that jostled feeling in your chest worse. You shook yourself, trying to get the feeling off you like a dog shedding water, but alas it was still there. The feeling was a cord run taught through your muscles, coiled and ready to spring. Try as you might your frazzled mind could not center enough to let you relax even a little.

Levi’s coming into the room made you startle, hyper alert mind working overtime. You gave only the slightest jump, but Levi made an effort to move a little slower. It was an appreciated effort, though his haste had not been what got to you. You were just too wound up. Your mind could not rein your body in. The best you could do was put on your calm mask.

Levi moved with the grace of a practiced server. It would not have surprised you to discover Levi had worked in the industry for most of his life. The tray holding the plates and beverages was placed on a table beside the one you were sitting at. The smell alone had your mouth watering. Levi interrupted his roll of waiter to look around the room for a moment. He was clearly hoping to find something specific. After a bit of searching, he shifted a few things on a shelf to reveal the item to you.

“Here. You can plug your music in and have it playing while we eat.” Levi tapped the stereo with input cords hanging from it.

“What if you don’t like my music?” You were hesitant to put such a secret part of yourself into the open. You would not be able to have him be dismissive of your music without it stinging, even deeper than usual considering where your head was.

“You listen to a lot of different stuff, right? Just put something on that isn’t too... thrashy.” Levi fumbled a gesture in the air with one hand. He had this strange way of looking so elegant, even as he tried to illustrate ‘thrashy’ in a hand motion.

Scouring your playlists you found one that had an assortment of instrumental pieces. You started the music playing and waited to see if Levi was bothered by the choice or the volume. He nodded to you, and you returned to your seat, feeling a little better with the familiar sounds filling the room.

Levi put out the prepared dishes, revealing the source of the alluring aroma. The meal on your plate was obscenely beautiful. The colours of the vegetables were vibrant, the placements artistic. This was food porn if anything had ever been. It almost felt a shame to eat it, the presentation was so well calculated. You would have commented to that end, but Levi was already digging into his equally picturesque dinner. He was giving you a slightly concerned look, easy assumption being that you did not want to eat what he had prepared for you.

"It's just a garlic roasted chicken with ratatouille, nothing weird." Levi was tilting his head ever so slightly, drawing your attention to your down turned eyes.

“Too pretty to eat.” You whispered before going to take your first bite.

“It’s the pretty things we want to eat, though. Ambivalence tints so much of life.” Levi had a playfulness in his eyes, philosophical prose used to bust your overly analytical chops. “Shut up and eat.”

You snickered at the dismissive way he spoke when you could see him settling the bit of pride from your compliment on his shoulders. He was trying to appear aloof, but it was as real as any of your masks. Underneath was a man that cared, felt deeply. You shut up and ate.

Delicious was not a good enough word. The balance of flavours was perfect. You could not place why each bite complimented so well. Levi was not a good cook, he was a demon chef.

You ate in silence, bite after bite demanding your attention more than the icicle eyes watching you. You hardly realised how much you had eaten when the last bite was gone. Levi was looking over your cleared plate with the satisfaction one would expect. He was not even trying to hide the pride he had in making something you had enjoyed so greedily.

“Thanks, it was amazing.” You felt awkward giving the overt praise.

Levi only rolled his eyes, bussing the table himself and wiping it down with an efficiency outmatching any of his staff. When he opened the door to take away the dishes, you had the sound of the world beyond strike you, loud and jarring. You had not collected yourself before Levi’s return allowed yet another wave of ruckus trespass into your safety.

“It’s noisy out there.” You commented to Levi’s concerned expression. “Leaving is gonna suck.”

“We can stay a bit, if it’ll help.” Levi turned the volume down a hair on the stereo before returning to his seat. “What’s it like? Can you describe it?”

You found something so soothing in his curiosity. He was simply interested, not judging you for this difference between you. It was like you were nothing more than an exotic animal, not some wounded bird.

“I can try? At first it’s just a slight... readying? Kinda like when someone shouts ‘heads up’ before tossing you something. The muscles in me just get ready to act.” You thought a moment, Levi waiting patiently for you to continue. “It’s very subtle at first, like I don’t know I’m doing it. But eventually it gets to be a war drum, a preparedness for _battle_.”

“You’re getting ready in case the people are dangerous? Like you’re worried someone is gonna hurt you?” Levi was making the common mistake of taking it too literally, as if you were consciously acting.

“No, no. It’s nothing so tangible. That’s the worst part. If it was a fear of the people, it would be alleviated by the understanding that I’m not being threatened by them. It’s got nothing to do with a real threat.” You chewed your words a moment before continuing.

“The ‘enemy’ I’m readying to fight is the stimuli I’m about to be bombarded by. It’s a physical throw down that my body is getting prepared for, even as my mind is trying to sort out how not in danger I am.” You fidgeted with your tense fingers, trying to find the way to explain the experience.

“The battle starts but there is nothing to really fight. So the tension just builds and builds.” You rolled your shoulders in an attempt to shake the feeling loose. “It feels like entering a cage and readying to fight off a lion. Only there is no lion so the built up energy just lashes around in me instead, waiting for the lion to show up.”

Levi stood up and pulled you to a more empty corner of the room. He moved two tables aside giving you even more room. “Let’s try something, alright?”

You were leery but nodded in accord.

“Just take a swing at me.” Levi’s bland drawl held a confidence you wanted to wrap around you like another skin. “I’ll be the lion.”

“I don’t know how.” You had never thrown a real punch in your whole life. “I can’t fight.”

“Fine. Aggressively flail your limbs at me.” Levi gave you a slightly exasperated look.

“But what if-“

“I have real training and genuine experience in a real fucking fight. Get a hit in and I’ll buy you a nice dinner.” Levi rolled your fingers into a loose fist. “You’ll miss. A lot. Just let the fight in you burn off in action. Fight _me_ since there isn’t any other lion option.”

In an attempt at a sneak attack, you snapped out your fist. It was only meantto bat lightly into his shoulder and show him how this was the dumbest idea, but there was no contact. You took another swing, this one a little more serious. Again you caught only air. You kept going.

Moving to take action felt good. You felt like something was shifting in you. You kept swinging, not so much trying to hit him as make him move. It was like dancing, in a way. He kept his hands up, giving you spots to aim for but your sloppy form had him easily evading every swing. The knot in you loosened.

When the first snarl escaped you, you ignored it. A few moments of hard breathing and what felt like a brawl with a shadow and you started to growl at each miss. A closer swipe had you give an almost roar. The escaping sound broke something in you. You just snapped.

You lunged for him. He let you grab him, but you were not trying to hug him. You thrashed like a turbine of bones and tears. The change of tactic had him grabbing for your wrists. You were not backing down, even as he effortlessly grappled you to the floor. He held you down as you struggled with all your body. It was cathartic, if not overwhelming. When you finally stopped fighting, he did not immediately let you go.

He was so close. He was between your legs, keeping you from landing any damaging hits. Your arms were pinned over your head, hold on your wrists solid as steel. The weight of him on you had your stomach flip. He leaned in until his forehead rested on yours. He was cool contact against your overheated skin. This had been nothing for him even as your emotions were drying on your sweaty cheeks. His breathing seemed so strangely calm compared to your ragged panting. Yet, somehow you could tell he was not bored, he was simply being an anchor in the midst of your storm.

“Feeling any better?” He had closed his eyes, resting a little more on you. You wished he would crush you.

“Not sure.” You could not hear your body clearly enough to know what was going on in you. You knew you wanted him to not pull away. The weight of him on you was all you could feel, and it felt good. You were finally safe.

It was too soon, when he started to let you up. The loosening of his grip was like being set adrift down a rapids. The panic was rushing in, heart hammering at the thought of distance. You had a want to run away or grab on to him but neither happened. Your insides lurched like a stalling car.

You spoke when everything in you was choking on silence. “Don’t let go.”

Levi let his grip on you return to firm, but not quite as tight as before. You were too afraid to ask for more, even when you wanted it. His pulling away now would hurt like the removal of your own flesh. It was too much, you could not tell him and risk the rejection. You wished for the bravery to ask for what you wanted, might have even needed, from him.

Only after your breathing had been evened out for a bit did he ask. “Do you want me to let you up?”

Your ‘no’ died on your tongue. His arms had to be getting tired. He must have wanted to let you up. “You can. Thank you, Levi.”

“Anything I can do.” He was slow in rolling up to sitting beside your supine form. “Does it help, the contact?”

You turned your head away, fingers finding your own shirt to tangle with. You wanted to grab him. Had he been Mike, you would have. You were allowed to with Mike because he understood. Normal people did not do that. You were not allowed to be like that with anyone else.

“Yes.” You felt so ashamed to want something treated as such a taboo.

“Touch me.” Levi was bland. “I don’t mind. I’m inviting you.”

You were slow in reaching for him, waiting for him to change his mind or scold you for misunderstanding. When his tight jeans were under your fingers, you looked at his face. The way he was so unreadable was a mixed blessing. You were certain there was no disgust in that look, but it was hard to be sure there was any emotion there at all.

“I’m telling you now, and it is true into the future, you are allowed to touch me. If it will help you, you can grab onto me.” Levi put his had over yours.

It was such a nice moment. Soothing.

“Just don’t grab my ass or my junk.” Levi was using his normal deadpan, but you thought you could see some mirth in his eyes.

“Spoilsport.” You snickered.

His eyes lit up with your answering playfulness. Whatever was knotted in you collapsed under that. You started to laugh, hard. Levi pulled your torso so that your head was on his lap, lopsided almost smile curling the edges of his lips. Levi was not a toothy grin sort of man.

“Mind if I stay the night again, Little Dreamer?” Levi brushed what might have been nothing from your cheek, eyes smiling down at you.

“Yes, please.” You could not have been happier to have his company.

Levi distracted you for a bit longer, making sure the room was clean to his standards. You were hesitant in venturing out to the madness that was a crowd still bubbling from their post-concert high. Levi stopped to talk with Nanaba, giving you a little more time to ready for the coming roar. The pair worked in tandem without any sort of communication you could see. As Nanaba was preparing an order Levi just offered any useful assistance. Watching this orchestration of skill was distracting enough, the kitchen feeling safe enough, that the bloom of tension along your spine was nipped in the bud. You had relaxed again before traversing the chaos of the cafe.

The stroll back to your room was easy. Marco was all bright smiles as you entered. The young man had been a comfort when things were rough just by offering such a warm greeting so freely. The world, as much as your mind feared it, was such a beautiful place.

Levi lounged with you for a while until sleep had your eyelids go heavy. Once again Levi pulled you to his chest and began humming. He seemed to have no concern over the show on the screen yet he said nothing about your watching it. He adjusted you a little more into him, more comfortable for both of you. Sleep came in like a breeze.

It was a low glow of flame on a burnt backdrop. Smoke plumes filled the blood red sky. The world was a tragic expanse of darkness tinged by cinders and ash. This was just what the world was. You knew it like breathing. This was the world you lived in, had always lived in.

Darkness shifted and a being was on the horizon. It was coming closer and closer. At first you were worried, but that quickly turned to relief. It was another living thing. Whatever it was, you were not totally alone in this wasteland.

The creature that approached you looked like living soot. A block of charcoal taken life was more likely than a living person. The humanoid form was walking straight for you. As ice grey eyes found yours, you knew him. You ran to meet him, the first, the _only_ other thing in this world. The loneliness, the isolation ebbed ever so slightly.

His arms wrapped you, his weight used to hold you in a firm embrace. He was not himself though. He felt lighter, like he was getting lighter under your hands. Panic was stirring in you, but you would not let mindless fear rob you of your one friend. He nuzzled into you, charred skin surely leaving a dirty streak where he touched you. He turned your lips up to his, waiting that long second before you leaned in to meet him.

Charred lips meet with yours. Heavy kisses that were more teeth than affection made you heart tremble. You half hoped he would eat you alive. The soiling left by his coal like skin gave away his weakened condition far better than his burnt form. He was still under there, underneath the smoke and ash was the one you were hoping for, yearning to find.

“Please, please stay.” You hugged him as delicately as you could while still clinging to him. “Please don’t leave me, too.”

“After all the shit I had to endure to get here? You couldn’t make me leave.” His form started to crumble anyways.

“No! No, no, no...” You were certain, fear in your very bones screaming it, that he would fall away to dust. Alone again. You would be all alone again. “Don’t let go, hang on to me. Please, please Levi don’t go.”

He crumpled into nothing in your arms. Your heart shatter with him. Your tears were frantic, the terror of isolation in your hell screamed in your head. The tears ran from you like a rain, spattering to the ground like bells. As one drop hit the dust of your only companion, a cool breeze blew his remains away. Only the one smudge of damp dark was left.

The fear cracked. Anger, hot rage at the injustice of everything being taken from you, boiled to the surface. You took the inky residue of all you had left and drew a small heart on the heel of your palm. It was warm and yet so cold, almost like Levi. That thought was too much for you. To the scorched landscape around you, swirling with the dust devils of all you had lost, you roared.

“Give him back!” You were shouting at the newest swirl of dust to taunt you. “I won’t let you do this to me. I won’t let you take him too.”

You reached to your hip, searching for a weapon to war with but found nothing. You clenched your fists and knew, _knew_ you had the armament already in grasp. You lashed out with a fist, drawn heart burning cold in the flare of power. Your knuckles made no contact but the world shook with the impact. It was like a bubble popping to reveal what had been lost to you.

Levi was looking at you, paler than usual, confused, but whole and undamaged. He was no longer burnt beyond recognition. He was healed, just like you. You tackled him into a hug, clinging to him in a renewed zeal. He was back. You were not alone anymore.

“Little Dreamer, you are simply wondrous.” His voice was warm on your ear.

You were safe, everything would be alright now. He was here with you so it was all going to be alright. You did not have to face this hell alone. He had made it to you and now the pair of you would get free together.

You felt your slumber falling away slower than usual. The vivid dream lingered as you stirred to waking. Levi was humming under your head, his chest moving only slightly with his breath. You took a fistful of his shirt feeling totally safe in his half hug. You had every intention of just going back to sleep.

“Bad dream?” Levi was a low whisper.

“No,” your groggy voice croaked. “It was a good dream.”

Levi just started humming again. It struck you how his propensity to curiosity did not have him asking more about your dream. The tune was so alluring though, and you were so tired. You were back asleep before the humming stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly got distracted while looking up french cuisine for so very long... And still ended up with just a simple preparation of a roast chicken as the complement to the ratatouille. Oops.
> 
> Song that inspired the title:
> 
> [ECHO (Crusher-P feat. GUMI) | VOCALOID ROCK COVER - Dima Lancaster](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnyBuIzN11s)


	10. Denied Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here enters the dub-con. Simply, it's a dream so I can see how folks would find it dicey. Levi wants to be with Reader, Reader wants to be with Levi... but Reader thinks she is only dreaming. Her very clear and real yes might feel uncomfortable to some folks for that reason.
> 
> Oh, and weak smut.

It was a rough couple weeks, but you were feeling better. Levi was spending a good deal of time with you, adventuring with you out into the world as your backup. His near nonexistent schedule seemed a little too convenient to you, but you could guess at his trying to appear easily available for you. He did vanish for a few responsibilities, now and again, but he was consistently cryptic about what those were. Secrets tended to bother you, but you were sure Levi was just trying to keep you from taking on his stress.

Mike was checking in on you via text mostly and that seemed to be coupled with Erwin’s doing the same with Levi. It was a little hilarious how they were so invested in the pair of you. An off comment from you to Mike, about Levi’s saying something that had gotten to you a little, had resulted in an immediate call from Erwin to chide Levi. You had been more careful not to let your fierce guardians hear about any of Levi’s slight missteps after that.

You were reluctant to admit it, but you were starting to like Levi, and not just as a trusted friend. More than a few times you had noticed the way his shirt hung over the muscle of him, making your head swim with ideas of what that lithe body could do. It would have been easier if it was just some lusty daydreams, but that was not where it ended.

You found yourself craving his company. You just wanted to hear his crass commentary on the shows you would leave on or the nearly juvenile jokes he would make about the commercials. You liked the way he saw the world and found yourself missing him at the strangest of times. Sleeping was simply easier when he was there, enough that you were half convinced he was a sandman, sprinkling you with sleep sand.

You were resting your head on his chest, even heartbeat only a third as interesting as the hummed tune reverberating his bones. You could have laid there forever. He shifted you slightly, bodies adjusted to being a little more comfortable. His breath was a tickle on your neck for only a moment. It was like a light switch, one second you were sure you were mostly awake, the next you were dead asleep. You only had this happen around Levi. It was like the most wonderful of insomnia breaking magics.

 

~~

 

Levi licked over the wound once, forced slumber taking a little longer to form a dream. Erwin had said Mike was similarly slow to enter the dream state if he was not already sleeping. A strange quality the pair shared. Levi only savoured the taste of her as he waited. He nursed the wound with light suction, noticing only after he had done it, that his tongue was laving the wound a little too affectionately. He did not mean to be so flirtatious. He toned back his enjoyment into something more chaste.

The fog engulfed him finally as her dream took flight. He was shadowy, edges of the form he was in having yet to be assigned an identity. This had been the state of her dreams for almost a week now. She was working through some emotional ambivalence but he could not quite sort out to what end.

She was holding the door, letting him into her hotel room. The space looked less like the hotel and more like the break room of the cafe with her bed in it, to Levi’s objective mind. She was talking with his shadow-form, the topic being one of dreamy nonsense. It was something about poisoned wells and the monsters that were climbing out. Nothing was outright frightening about the situation to her, though it was stressful. Levi could not tell if it was the poison or the monsters that he should be focusing on.

The dream had them sitting together on the bed, watching a news report on the sudden up turn of death bearing wells being overran by strange wolf-like beasts. Levi was watching with far more interest than his vessel was meant to. He had found so many little clues about her in such details as what was on the tv. He also found plenty of red herrings. She was not intentionally making it hard on him, it was just that she had such vivid dreams. So many details made it into her subconscious that Levi had a trying time keeping up with what actually mattered.

He felt the dream turning him from the screen. He was a little disappointed, since it was one of the unnaturally long limbed lupin monsters on the screen. They were such lanky creatures, fur a shade of blue that looked permanently dirty. It was not unusual, this building tension related to the body he was a passenger in. The tone of the dream was changing to something more heated. It was her moving the shade of a vessel without his willing it. Her lust turning them,drawing them together.

Her head was such a scandalous place, not that his was any better. So many of her dreams had this building ardour to them as of late. She had yet to have another of her dreams get as steamy as the first with her Mike, but she had been getting progressively closer.

The ambivalence in her was thick, giving a sense of a strong resistance to the urge to kiss him. Levi wondered if it was such a literal thing as her having feelings for her Sheepdog that she was denying, now that Mike’s relationship to Erwin was so serious. Her refusal to let Mike take that roll, even in the harmless space of a dream. There was also the chance it was a blooming romantic interest for another. Levi had noticed the freckled concierge of the hotel, Marco, while a bit young in Levi’s opinion, had a very obvious crush on her. That alone could lead to a steamy dream, trying out the relationship mentally before even really acknowledging it in the waking world.

Her lips inched closer to his, and the blur ebbed. It was his own hands, it was him this time, cupping her cheek. She pressed her lips to his. His dream-self kissed her, deep and hard. It was a starving thing, bordering on frantic. He lost a bit of his distance as she whimpered for him. His own will had him parting his lips slightly. His tongue darted out to lick her along the seam of her mouth. She moaned, opening to him. It was hard to say which of them made him take the invitation.

The working of her lips to his was an overwhelming thing. He struggled to pull himself back to being purely a witness. Erwin had warned of such tides being in Mike’s mind, his subconscious sensing Erwin’s presence when others would not, trying to pull his lover deeper into the dream with him. Aside from Erwin, Levi so rarely fed on those that even knew he was there, let alone desired him, that he was totally unprepared for the attempt to share the dream. Her dreaming mind was tugging on the very real him to join her. It was something Levi had such difficulty denying. He wanted to give her whatever she asked, but this, this felt strange. It was her dream though, their real bodies laying mostly motionless in their slumber. This would be nothing more than her telling him a sexy story, sharing the experience together. She was ever so eager to share with him, the real him, to have him accept her. His letting her pull him in some seemed to ease her, making it even harder to outright refuse.

She held on to him, fistfuls of his clothing keeping them close. Her kissing him was more like eating him down. The dream shifted, as Levi had come to expect, to the echo of fears left unanswered from the day. It was guiding his actions, molding them to the will of her dream. Their kisses parted to his rolling atop her. He gave in to the pull of the current, unsure if he might even change shapes as Mike had. Would he elongate into one of those lanky things and try to eat her as they made love? His hands slid to her throat. As the pressure started to build he struggled to let the dream play out, to not change her setting the course. He did not want to be what hurt her, killed her, even in the fantasy of a nightmare. He wanted to be her protective Beast, just like she saw her Sheepdog.

That stunningly powerful fight in her breezed in, calm rippling in to mix with the fear. She took one of his hands in hers and his dream-self abandoned strangling her to instead pin her wrists over her head. The position was the same from the time he had wrestled her to the floor of the cafe. He heard her snarl in that same way. The dream ground his hips into hers, something that had not happened at the time. He tried to pull back to his objective self enough to sense her, to understand her motives. Sadly, her dreams rarely gave him much time for deciphering.

In the space of a blink he was pushing inside her, clothing simply gone. The sensation surprised him, dream letting him feel her pleasure as much as his own. He had his heart racing. There was still fear rattling around in her. He did not want to take her by force. He never wanted to be a monster to her, harm her in that way. Yes, he wanted her, but wanted to _love_ her. That was when it actually hit him. He wanted her for himself. Not as Mike’s girl, as a facilitator to Erwin’s budding relationship, but as his very own Dreamer. This nightmare might ruin that, taint her trust in him in the worst way. He was drowning in the imagery, no longer seeing her emotions at all, his own fears were far louder to him.

“Levi, please.” If she fought he would force the dream-him to let go of her, he could not let this happen. “Don’t let go.”

“What’s that?” His own confused words escaped the dream-him she puppeted.

Her dreaming mind had felt his being conflicted and was answering it within the dream. Erwin had understated how perceptive these two could be, even in their sleeping, or maybe Erwin needed a warning that Mike might be noticing more than originally suspected.

“Never let go. Ever. Please? I need you. I need you to love me.” She was pleading with him.

The dream was directing him once more. He leaned down, mouth finding her fluttering pulse in the dream just as it had moments ago in reality. This time he bit her with dull human teeth, no puncturing fangs, giving savage but mortal pressure. She bucked into him involuntarily. Oh, how she liked that. He had to admit he did too.

“You want me to never let go?” He purred the words into her ear. She nodded into him. “Then I’ll just have to keep you forever.”

He let the dream swallow him completely. It blended, her feelings and his. The benefit of his joining in was immediate. The sensations were amplified between them, even as she became more lucid as well. She knew she was dreaming, a little more control given to her conscious mind over her subconscious directing everything. She pulled him closer, taking his lips in a hungry kiss. She might have only thought him a dream, but she was seizing this opportunity to be with him.

The way a dream could just shift to meet a whim could also be useful. The room changed, her bedroom as it truly was felt like a better backdrop to their being together. He gave himself over to the dream, letting her use him as she liked. As her body moved he met it, slow tempo building. He rolled his hips as she dragged her nails across his back. He answered the attack with another bite to her neck, this time on the other side. He felt her thrill from the bite as if it were his own. The sharing of this mirrored pleasure was a different sort of satisfying.

Their slumbering bodies were laying still, Levi having gotten fully distracted from healing her wound, for the enjoyment of her dream. Her rich flavor rolled down his throat, better than any dessert could ever be. Good dreams tasted like heaven. Coupling that with this sensation of being deep inside her, and he could not have been happier, save the one step further. Her waking embrace.

The connecting of hips got quicker, the way they felt being a type of stimulation that bodies could never exactly duplicate when awake. This was the pleasure of the mind, his being stroked and stroking along hers, sensations springing not from physical touch but somehow seeming more real as they were equally less. He was getting close, her own ends a sensation he could almost touch, he felt it as clearly as his own.

“I love you, I love you so much.” His voice was breathy with exertion, words picked by the dream, not him. “Come for me. Please. Break all over me. Please, let me feel you.”

The crest caught him a breath before her, letting her climax smash into them as a second wave of nirvana echoing the first he set in motion. He was wrecked. He had never had such clarity in a dream’s orgasm before. It tingled down his spine, curled his toes.

Levi barely had the fortitude of mind to keep from biting into her again, in the waking world. He ran a torn tongue over her neck, postcoital high helping him stay under with her even as he acted in flesh. No wonder Erwin was so reluctant to share Mike’s dreams. Levi could see himself getting greedy for her.

He held her, his lovely Dreamer, as she held on to him. They were tangled in bedding, hearts beating as one. The dream’s gravity had him. He was in as deep as her now, lost to the happenings of the waking world entirely. What had felt so wonderful now had a hint of something previously unnoticed. Levi could tell it had been there all along, other feelings having masked it from his noticing sooner. It was manifesting a heavy sort of silence between them. Levi could not understand why it rubbed him so wrong, but he did not like it. The fog’s clearing was unwelcome, he was not ready to leave her dream. Before he could think better of it, without really giving the potential impact enough thought, he spoke.

“I could eat you forever. I think I’ll do just that. If you’ll let me.” Levi could not let something he cherished end in pained silence.

It was a flare of joy to rival their climax, so strongly his words resonated for her. “I can’t wait to be your endless meal.” He caught her say, just before waking.

He shifted her off his shoulder, rather reluctantly. He had let himself get carried away and he felt changing into his rarely used sleep attire would quell a bit of his turbulent feelings. He wanted her, she wanted him. It was her wanting him that had been giving her troubles for the past week, even. He could fix this. He just had to find a way to bring their mutual attraction into the open, to navigate around the mine field of fears that held her back. He kept himself from kissing her forehead. Soon enough. Soon he would be allowed to give her all the affection he craved to dote upon her, his Dreamer.

 

~~

 

You were blurry eyed as you looked to the clock. It was hardly a half hour from when you must have fallen asleep. No wonder you were feeling only half awake. The world felt tingly and warm and after the rapturous dream you had just had, you knew why. Vivid dreams sucked when they were nightmares, but the good dreams lingered just as much. You were near purring when the sounds of Levi exiting the bathroom reminded you that the very real man had maybe even been holding you as you dreamed so scandalously of him. You felt so sheepish, almost guilty at having let your mind go so far. What he would think if he only knew, you doubted he would approve.

“Can’t even leave to take a piss without you waking up? I can’t imagine which of the sleep gods you offended to end up like this. My money’s on all of them.” Levi was standing at the foot of the bed. He had changed into his sleepwear at some point, pale form covered in black track pants and black tank top catching your still lustful eye.

“Maybe you should ask Bast, Egyptian goddess of cats, to speak up for you at the next meeting. This goofy ball of fluff seems to love you enough to get you in good with her.”

Levi walked to the window, pulling a cigarette case from his coat draped over the chair along the way. The case was silver and engraved with a picture you could not quite make out due to the shine. You watched him fidget with the cancer stick, softly snapping the now empty case in time to a melody you could not hear. He opened the window, sitting in the frame as if falling was of no concern. You stayed under the covers, watching the man with the equally curious Harris, curled at your feet. Those mismatched eyes looked a long moment at the man in the window before returning to a cozy cat ball of disinterest.

“You‘re into Ancient Egyptian stuff?” You tried to not pay such attention to the unlit cigarette dancing between agile fingers, fingers that you wanted dancing over you. You shook your head trying to clear the lingering dream from your mind.

“Not when I was a kid. Other brats could afford to have interests like that, but not me. We were poor. My mother walked away from her family, from their blood money. Grew up thinking of family as just me and her, until... Tch. Shit poor and seriously ill always ends badly. Had to move in with my asshole of an uncle after that. I didn’t bother putting effort into studying once that shit storm started. It wasn’t until Erwin. Erwin made the world take on a light I had never noticed before. The world was so full of things, interesting shit to learn. Not out of need, but simple curiosity. He noticed and encouraged it.” The cigarette settled between his lips for a moment before returning to busy fingers. “Now it’s one of my less ...detrimental... behaviours.”

You watched Levi’s fidgeting, not smoking but clearly wanting to. You had noticed he had a few ticks, but this was the first time you had really concluded he had very real trouble with obsessive behavior. He was managing to keep from being too compulsive, and you were proud of him for it. “Why did you and Erwin break up, anyways? Seems like you two get along really well. He never talks about it.”

Levi seemed to think a moment, then tucked the lonely cigarette back into the case. He closed the window, not looking at you as he put the case back in his coat’s inner pocket. It only just struck you that he did not have a lighter with him, at all; undesired habit of smoking being mostly broken.

“Go on a date with me tomorrow. Like a real date. Nothing dramatic. Just, dinner like we usually do, or maybe a movie if you want? Only it’ll be a date. You and me.” Levi was looking out the window as he asked.

You were uncertain if he was trying to distract you from your question or if he genuinely thought it had been rhetorical. Regardless, you were too excited to pick the subject back up. “Okay.”


	11. Dating a Fish

Mike was adjusting Levi’s tie. It was a strange feeling, being so nervous over seeing someone he had been so incredibly close to already. He had seen the depth of her and yet now he could not seem to get his nerves under control. It was just dinner at the cafe, nothing special.

“What if I fuck it up?” Levi had never hated his social ineptitude more.

“She will give you as many chances as you need. If you are clear on trying to meet her at what she needs. You’ve only really lost her when you expect her to just change who she is to met your expectations.”

“What?” Levi could not really get what Mike meant. He had no intention of asking anything of her, beyond the hope of her continued company. Maybe he would sleep beside her as he tended to do now. He was not going to pressure her for more.

“She is a fish, Levi. If you expect her to stop breathing water for you, if you think she is going to be able to hold her breath forever for you, you’ll be wrong.” Mike had a warning in his voice.

“Out in the world, that’s out of water for her.” Levi looked out the window and had his teeth grit. “I’m a monster, taking her on a date.”

“That’s not true either.” Mike sighed, shaking his bangs a little more into his eyes. “Maybe the analogy is a little too harsh.”

“The fuck do I do? I don’t want to suffocate her. She pushes herself so hard.” He was panicking.

“Levi. Just be her water.” Mike was so matter of fact in his tone, it chafed.

“Explain that, Sheepdog.” Levi waited.

“She needs safety like a fish needs water. Loud, chaotic things are out of water, not the world in general. If you are making her feel safe, she won’t be as taxed. She can still breathe.” Mike put his hand on Levi’s shoulder, example of his being an anchor to calm, even in Levi’s tempest.

“Be her knight.” Levi hated to set that bar for himself, but she was worth striving for.

“Ha!” Mike‘s barking laugh was swallowed down in seconds. “She’d drop you in a hot second if you go all gentleman on her now. Be someone she understands in the midst of chaos. Be solid for her as things get unpredictable. She wants your crass asshole self, as you are. Not sure she ever wanted a knight gallant.”

Mike was checking Levi’s look, something that Levi had thought over for far too long. He liked wearing all black, but tonight he had opted for his dark blue button up, accented by his standard assassin chic of black jeans and boots, final touch his leather coat. The tie was the only other addition, to show he thought of the occasion as special. He had been worried he was not doing enough, but Mike pointed out she was not up for glitz just yet. It was a simple first date, one that suited the pair of them. He could take her on a fancy todo once she was feeling more ambitious. Levi was not really into those things but as he understood it, everyone else was.

“But what do I _do_ if it gets to be too much? I don’t want her thinking she made us cut our date short.” Levi looked up at the only other person to understand her ways of taking everything onto herself.

“Don’t let the date end. Change the venue, go back to the room, but don’t let the buzz rob her of your company.” Mike gave an affectionate rub over Levi’s jaw. “Shit. Sorry, I shouldn’t have-“

“You’re fine. You, her and Erwin are allowed. Just know I always let her get the best of me.” Levi adjusted his coat, confidence at them vying for his attention being a total ruse.

“I’m hopeful she will like the idea of sharing.” Mike was looking out from the veil of his bangs as if they might deflect Levi’s potential rejection.

“You and me both, you shaggy ass Sheepdog.” Levi used a finger to gently brush the bangs out of the way. “You and me, both.”

 

~~

 

You were pacing when he knocked. You jumped out of your skin even when you were waiting for his arrival. You settled the tension down, rolling it under your practiced mask of excitement. You were excited, after all.

He had not really dressed up, but you still felt like your dressing up a little had not been enough. He looked good in an easy way that had your mouth go dry. You were ready to go, stepping out into the hall with him. Before you could close the door in a rush, Levi caught it. His hand on the door put him in your space put his bored expression made it seem more like he was irritated with you than anything.

“You’re forgetting your headset.” Levi pushed the door open, preventing a need to dig out the keycard.

“I figured I shouldn’t-“ He did not even let you finish.

“I’m not some idiot that’s never met you before. I don’t need you torturing yourself over some stupid idea that you have to change for me now.” He leaned back, holding the door open with his back. “This is a nice night out, not a test of endurance. Get your damn headset.”

You only pursed your lips a moment. He was not wrong. You needed that little bit of security even more tonight, not less. You found yourself wondering if Mike had somehow warned him about how you could be. You collected a headset swiftly, having enough pairs kicking around that to look was to find one.

“Sorry, we can go now,” you offered out of habit.

“Tch. Nothing to apologize for.” Levi was rolling his eyes, bent arm waiting for you to take hold. “Not like we can run late.”

He was right. It was just dinner at the cafe. You had not been eager for a change of scenery and that had made Levi voice a propensity for the cafe. You were secretly relieved to be going someplace familiar rather than blazing a new trail right now.

The stroll was nice, as usual. You walked in silence, minds lost to your own thoughts. Entering the buzzing eatery was almost like stepping into a war zone for you. The metallic clack of cutlery on dishes, the drone of happy conversations, it was a punch to the face.

Levi seemed to catch the change in you, much to your chagrin. He took your hand, leading the way to the booth at the back. He used his hold of your hand to direct you to take the seat that put the wall at your back. You were scooted in when Levi came to sit beside you. You moved in, giving him room to join you. His arm went across the back of the booth, not touching you but still feeling like he was resting across your shoulders.

“This okay?” He was leaning forward a little, trying to catch your down turned eyes.

“Yeah, this is good.” You managed to get your stress-parched voice to whisper.

“Hm.” Levi nodded. His eyes searched the bustling dining area to catch one of the staff.

Eren has his eyes widen an instant before a ridiculously large grin took over. He nearly bounced to the table, good mood contagious. “Hey guys! Hope you didn’t have to wait long, only just saw you. Menus?”

“Yes, Eren. People like getting menus to decide what to order.” Levi’s deadpan made you aware that maybe only you were rising with Eren’s good mood. “It Shitty-glasses or Nana right know?”

The brunette was unfazed by Levi’s normal disposition, it seemed. He even gave you a slightly knowing look as he handed you a menu. “Nanaba has the kitchen for another hour before Oluo takes over.”

“Shit. Right. Forgot about him. How’s he doing?” Levi let his work persona peek out.

“Not bad. He’s not Nanaba or Hange, but he keeps up. No complaints that I’ve heard.” Eren looked around, kneeling down to whisper from a cupped hand, “He really trained under you?”

Levi sighed, a long pained sound accompanying his eyes rolling back in a frustration that made you want to meet this Oluo. “Yes. We will never speak of it. Ever. You brats need to gossip less.”

“He... acts like...” Eren was trying to find polite words, it seemed. “He tends to phrase things in a specific kind of... way...”

“Dear sweet fuck. He is still parroting me. The fuck is wrong with that delinquent?” Levi was rubbing his temple one handed, other arm dropping to resting over your shoulders.

“Isn’t mimicry one of the highest form of praise? Petra seems to have noticed and his noticing that made it get worse.” Eren let his arm stretch across the table to rest his head on it like a pillow. “Whole thing is so grade school dramatic in my opinion.”

“Stop laying on my table, you napping toddler.” Levi glared at the younger, though not that young, man. “She wants a latte, I’m having an earl grey. Have Nana come over.”

Eren did not wait for any more of a dismissal. Levi was not going to let the workplace lose its demand for purposeful action. Eren hopped up and beelined right for the kitchen. It was only a moment before the shout from the back got to your ear.

“Levi, you come back here or order like a normal person. I’m _busy_!” Nanaba was not the sort to skirt the point.

“Tch. Fine.” Levi was speaking low enough it might have been to no one. “I’ll be right back. You decide on what you want tonight.”

Levi was gone only moments when Eren brought over drinks. A small stick of honey sat on the saucer of your beverage. Eren looked over his shoulder toward the kitchen before seating himself across from you.

“Are you here on a date with Levi?” Eren was leaning in, cupped hand blocking anyone from even reading his lips.

Levi was right, they were gossipy brats. “That is none of your business, Eren.” You giggled a little all the same.

“Shoo. Stop pestering my girl, you lazy toddler. Get someone else to give you juice.” Levi was silent in his approach until right at the table.

Eren jumped up again, back straight in a soldier’s attention. He scurried away but you caught how he winked back at you. Levi had claimed you as ‘his girl.’ Everyone was going to know you were there on a date with Levi, even the kids that had tonight off, before you you finished your coffee.

“You realize you just confirmed we were on a date, right?” You felt your smile curl a little wider as he sat back beside you, arm returning to across the back of the booth behind you.

“So? Not a secret. None of their shitty business but it’s not like I don’t want anyone knowing.” Levi picked up his tea by the rim, lips sipping the hot liquid silently. “The honey jar got dropped by someone, so I had them give you one of the carry away sticks.”

“Thanks. I could have just used sugar.” A latte often was sweet enough for you to even go without adding anything. Just sometimes you enjoyed adding a bit of honey. It made the drink seem special.

“Tch, you like honey and we have it. Let me dote some.” He took another sip.

Some might have heard the harsh way he dismissed your comment. You heard his desire to dote on you. Levi could make it easy to miss his kindness. It was hidden between crass words and under an icy gaze. Even his happiness was a subtle thing, easily missed if one was not looking for it. You could see it, in the way his body relaxed, his eyes had brightened. He was not a man of overtures. You would have him no other way.

“Mind if I order for us? Nanaba makes your food better.” Levi was whispering just for you.

You covertly pointed to what you wanted on the menu. Levi nodded his understanding. The plan was go. You looked around to see if anyone was even watching and saw several grinning faces staring at you and Levi. You shook your head, certainly this was going to be _the_ subject for longer than you liked. Having everyone focusing on you was not the most comfortable thing, even if the reason behind it was one you liked. Levi leaned across you to grab a spoon from the extra setting, other arm once more dropping to weigh securely on your shoulders, thumb rubbing an affectionate spot. The spoon was launched with a marksman’s precision, hitting the cup of pens on the counter and sending the staff into a scramble to clean up.

“Get to work you lookie-loos. Not paying you to gawk.” Levi’s bland reprimand made you stifle a giggle.

That was the pace of the night. Eren took both orders from Levi, Nanaba came out to see which entree was being eaten by whom. There was a playfully contented look in those blue eyes that watched you eat. Levi seemed to find nothing wrong with his meal, though the look from Nanaba had made him leery. A dessert was ordered, something Levi said he would help you eat since you were mostly full, leftovers boxed up for the journey home. Eren was near giddy the whole time, vicarious joy at your date making him effervescent. Levi was extra grumpy at the emerald eyed server for it, and you were left feeling full of both their love. As the staff change came trickling in, your dessert yet to be brought out, you noticed Petra come in.

A part of you felt guilty, having figured out her crush long before this. You did not feel badly for dating Levi, he was not some object to steal away, but that did not mean you wanted to rub it in anyone’s face either. Petra had only ever been a kindhearted and genuine friend to you. You liked her. Upsetting her by flaunting the date seemed cruel. Your body language must have said as much to your sudden discomfort because Levi was looking around to see what had upset you. He saw Petra, cheeks tinting at the news that the whole staff was buzzing with.

“Be nice.” You whispered, hoping Levi would understand your concern over the younger woman’s feelings.

Levi leaned in close, lips brushing the shell of your ear as he spoke. “You are too kind for this world.” He bumped you with his forehead, affection clear though not as hard to witness as a kiss to the cheek would have been.

You beamed at him. It was too nice an evening for you to let yourself get knotted up over other people’s heartache for long. Connie interrupted the moment by delivering the decadent treat that only seemed passingly similar to its description on the menu. This was by far a special order. Nanaba must have been trying to put you in a food coma. It was the only explanation for all the delicious food.

“Oh shit, no. Please, don’t come over, please don’t... fuck.” Levi took his only bite of dessert to have his mouth full as a man came up to the table.

“Tch, boss? What are you doing here?” He was standing in a way that seemed familiar but a little off. He was sporting an undercut and grumpy air like it was a fashion statement. You had no doubts about this being Oluo.

Before Levi could swallow, a command to rival a Drill Sargent’s ended the conversation. “Oluo Bozado! Get back into that kitchen and cook or so help me-“ Petra was four foot seven of powerhouse towering over the taller Oluo.

“Okay okay okay, jeez Petra.” He retreated after attempting to reclaim his image. “You can be so- Oof!” Walking and talking were not one of Oluo’s mastered skills it seemed. There was a hint of red from his biting his tongue.

“Serves you right! Interrupting my friend’s date like that. Half wish you’d bitten it off.” Petra gave you an apologetic look over his intrusion. “I work with children, already. Kindergarten teacher in training, lessons starting now.”

You smiled your gratitude to the petite ginger, reconciliation over a nonexistent slight warm between you. You counted every friend as precious. You were glad to not lose her in gaining Levi.

You had been eating in silence for a couple of minutes when Levi finally stated, “Oluo’s a fucking idiot.”

You could only snicker and keep eating.

Walking back had seemed like it would fall into the same rhythm as usual, but it did not. Levi took your hand instead of offering his arm. When you paused at the crosswalk he rubbed small circles with his thumb. It was a tiny gesture, but it moved you so deeply. Even opening your door felt different. You were electric with the night, glowing from so much adventure. You were only passingly thinking of how it would plummet soon as he left.

“Mind if I sleep over again? After the night, seems like you might want some time alone, but...” Levi was tapping a beat to his thigh, a nervous tick your mind was starting to notice. “I want tonight to be perfect, and I’m not sure if that means I stay or I go.”

You grabbed for his honesty, bolstering your confidence to support him in his insecurity. You inventoried yourself as quickly as you could but in the end gave in to impulse regardless. “I want you to stay.”

Levi nodded, joining you in entering the room as he had dozens of times before. It was still somehow different this time. He turned on the tv, lower volume picked without your asking. Close captions were your favorite invention ever. You gave the ever eager to eat Harris a serving of cat kibbles, that he ignored to nuzzle the stacked tins of cat food. He had started sleeping on that shelf. He kept eye contact with you while giving sweet rubs to the cans containing the treat like food. It was evil how good he was at begging for the fancy stuff. He gave a tiny meow when you looked from him to the approaching Levi.

“He sounds so much smaller than he is.” Levi was leaning behind you, watching in amusement.

“He knows the kitten noises work better. Bossy meows make me roll over and ignore him. Come closer and listen.”

Levi rested his chin on your shoulder, arm snaking around your waist. He was silent, and you could both hear it. Between thumps of agressive nuzzling, Harris was purring up a storm.

“He asks with his purring for me. He used a loud bossy meow with my mom, but me, he just purrs and uses kitten mews.”

“You catch the subtleties better.” Levi rubbed your back before slinking into the bathroom to change. The bag of his spare clothes had come to feel like a part of your own belongings, really.

You took the opportunity to spoil Harris with an extra serving of the wet food. Everyone deserved to have an especially good night. You were already collected and ready to take your turn getting ready for bed when the bathroom was freed up. You were not so quick as to not notice how striking Levi was in his ebony hoodie and track pants. The hoodie’s half done zipper also let you see that Levi had nothing else on under it. Your reaction to that simple observation was embarrassing enough to get you locked in the bathroom in haste.

Nightly rituals finished, you climbed into bed with Levi. He was so close, solid and safe. This was normal. You had rested on his shoulder like this for weeks now. It was nothing special. So why was your heart racing? What had changed to make everything so intimidating? He shifted under you, face filling your view, he was so close. Your mind stalled out, you could not think of anything but those silver irises. He took in a breath, readying to say something, but stopped. You could not name the emotion that flickered across his eyes. He leaned back, moment of sweet emotional bloom growing thorns to constrict around you.

You had you heart bruise, the misunderstanding of his interest making you worse off than your jittery nerves had already been. You sank lower, feeling near scolded for having wanted... you had hoped for a kiss. You were chiding yourself for being too needy, desperate seeming. You were going too fast.

“Shit.” Levi caught your chin, turning your face up from hiding in his chest. “I misread that, didn’t I? You weren’t scared of me, were you?”

You shook your head. You were scared. You were drowning in the fear, choking on the fragile hopes filling your throat as glass ready to break. The wrong words would shatter you.

“You wanted me to kiss you?” Levi licked his lips, the quickest glimpse of pink tongue darting out.

You could only nod, eyes dropping from a shame you were sure you should feel for having wanted.

Levi slid his fingers slowly back across your jaw, thumb brushing along so softly. He cupped you at your nape, steadying you both. He leaned in again, slow, crawlingly slow.

“Anything you want, my sweetest Dreamer.” Levi’s words were warm on your lips.

Your muscles were frozen, every fibre of your being wanted to close that last distance, wanted to show him in action what you hoped would happen. You could not get your bones to move. Time had slowed, your heart had stopped. You were going to fall away into the terror. Until Levi reminded you how to breathe. His lips found yours, clover soft and slightly cool.

Your chest burst with the thunder of your heart remembering how to beat. You melted into that kiss, drawn as the tide to the moon. You needed this, needed more. You whimpered lightly, an involuntary little sound. Levi ate it down. He deepened the kiss as if he had heard your soul’s behest. It was all tongue and teeth, slick and fire. Before he pulled back completely, he pecked your lips twice.

“Anything for you.” Levi pulled you closer, cradling your head to the crook of his neck. “Relax now. You’ve had such a long day. Let’s not over do it.”

You had a flicker of fear at his stopping get squashed under a squeeze to your hip. He pulled you to half laying on to him. He was using a gentle yet firm petting of your thigh speak for him. He was not pushing you away. He was only slowing you down.

“Thank you.” You had no other words for what you were feeling.

“Tch. Nothing to thank me for.” Levi kissed at your jaw, cheek missed because of your burrowing into him.

You smiled into his skin. It was a harsh set of words, but the intent rang louder. Kissing you was not a chore or task he had needed to complete. It was not even a gift granted to you. It was simple the way things were between you now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't care how many amazing teas there are in the world. I can't get "Tea, Earl Grey, hot" out of my head as the thing respect worthy captains drink...


	12. Needs of the Shattered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meltdown>Nightmare>Smut
> 
> There is a way to twist this next bit into something I do not intend. Reader needs support and love, and gets it in a way I wish I could have. I am not blind to how this could be misread. Please try and see it from Reader's perspective.

The interview had sucked. You had tanked it seven ways to Sunday and only just managed to not cry on your way out. The stress of your funds drying up, thoughts of needing to move back home if things did not get better, thus leaving Levi, Mike and your city behind, it was adding up. You knew you would be a great addition to any work force. You were smart, qualified, socially capable, a laundry list of skills well under your belt earning you the face to face meeting. You just happened to be at your absolute worst right now. Too much stress had slowed your synapses to a crawl, reducing you to far less than yourself.

You walked past the cafe at first, feeling extra glum and thinking of skipping on the lunch date with Levi, asking him to meet you at the room instead. You read over the sign and rallied yourself, pushing through the door with the same effort as pushing past your disappointment. Maybe seeing everyone that was working would turn around your mood. You were not prepared to see Mike and Erwin sitting across from Levi. Levi had his back to you and Erwin was fully engaged in the conversation but Mike lit up like a Christmas tree at seeing you walk in. He nearly shoved Erwin to the floor from the seat on the outside, in his eagerness to get up from the booth and greet you.

No sooner had Erwin stood up than a bear hug engulfed you. It was only as the rich smell of his cologne mixed with the unmistakable scent of Mike, that your missing him caught up to you. You had a few stray tears escaping your eyes, hands grabbing him like he was all that was holding you up, and maybe he was. Your best friend had been giving you some space to get closer to Levi. Right now you were not grateful for that space. You wanted to climb inside his rib cage, curling up beside his heart, just to get closer again.

“Bad interview?” Mike was a whisper, keeping the cause to your breakdown between the two of you. You only nodded.

You were hug-waltzed back to the table, Levi getting kicked by Mike’s boot signalling to let you take the seat inside. Erwin stood without being asked, letting Mike take up sentry in front of you and Levi at your side. Levi put his arm over the back of the booth, not touching you, and you were equal parts grateful and miserable. Your skin was crawling, everything was feeling overwhelming. You wanted an anchor to something solid, anything safe, even if it hurt.

Mike reached a long limb across the table, hand offered. You took it cautiously, watching Levi in your peripheral. You had not asked him about his feelings of your keeping the physical qualities to your relationship with Mike, now that you were dating. When your trembling fingers were enveloped in Mike’s large grip, Levi’s eyes widened just a hair. He looked to Mike but Mike’s eyes were only for you. Your first protector was too busy minding your distress to notice the other two at the table.

“Dreamer, is it alright if I touch you, or is it too much?” Levi’s words were low, his hand gripping the booth like he was all that was holding it up.

“Yes. And yes.” You stated answers to both because it was not an either or situation.

Levi’s eyebrows furrowed slightly. “What?”

“My Little Wolf needs touch, but it’s all really ...loud right now. She won’t relax, might even tense up, but it’s more good than bad so she wants you to. Right?” Mike articulated for you without your even asking. He knew your higher functions were struggling behind the fog of fear.

It was like being a different person entirely. When relaxed you were sharp, rivalling Erwin for wittiest person at the table. When you started getting overwhelmed it was a fast track to losing to napkin dispensers in a battle of brain power. You knew the science behind it, understood it was just how the nervous system prioritised quick observation over higher intellect once the survival mechanisms kicked in, but that actually made it worse.

Your observing everything without your intellect to parse through it just made the overload worse. The worse off you were, the worse it got. Right now you could hardly understand language, let alone expressing the complexity of your situation. Thankfully, Mike already knew and did not expect you to remind him and re-articulate it at every turn. Then again he had the same things sometimes, so it was easier for him to just understand how you were seeing the world. For Levi this would be so much harder.

“Dreamer?” Levi was leaning into your view, making you aware you had not expressed any sort of agreement with Mike’s assessment.

You nodded, though it was a shallow thing. Levi licked his lips, arm slowly coming to rest on your shoulders. You jumped slightly, even knowing, even after requesting he touch you. Anyone that did not know you, did not understand how careful and trusted the men at the table with your were, might see a very different situation. It made you wish you could hide, take it all back, make it so they would not be looked down on as having hurt you when they were helping. Your eyes burned, but you would not let yourself cry.

“Oh, Little Wolf. You had such a bad day, didn’t you? Want me or Levi to pick your order?” Mike asked what he had asked a million times before, only now he acknowledged Levi might be your preferred champion. It made your heart swell painfully, this understanding.

Your words were inundated with your feelings, swollen too large to get out of your mouth. You could not pick, you could not make a decision right now beyond something impulsive. This was the headspace that got you ordering the first, easiest to understand, thing on the menu. You were not sure what to say, how to be considerate of Levi’s feelings and Mike’s. You could not thread that needle even if it was not a needle that needed threading.

“Shit, Mike. Come sit by her. I’m gonna get her something.” Levi did not let go of you until Mike was ready to slide in beside you.

Erwin took up Mike’s spot, holding your hand as Mike had been. You looked into those cerulean eyes and were so grateful. Erwin started talking about his day. He was stroking your knuckles, almost crushing your hand, but just shy of hurting. The pressure helped. Mike was a living blanket. He had an arm over your shoulders, hugging you close. Under the table his hand was on your leg. He was holding you with pressure matching Erwin’s. It did not hurt, you could hardly feel it, really. If it were not for the pressure, you would not have even known Mike’s hand was on your thigh at all.

Levi returned after a long minute. He was asking in an even tone what everyone else wanted. He cheeked with Mike about what he was ordering for you, trusting Mike to be your voice while you were falling so deep into yourself. Mike confirmed that Levi had made the right choice, picking your favorite sandwich off of the day's menu.

It was all very dismissive of you, looking at their behaviour objectively from the outside. If one did not know what sort of trust you had placed in these men, that they needed to have proven worthy to even earn your company when you were this vulnerable, they would seem tyrants. The joke was, if they were tyrants, you never would have given them the time of day. This was a trust earned by their loving you, caring for you so absolutely. You did not trust lightly, or easily, but they way you naturally looked at the world lent well to your not letting the wrong type get so close to you.

Levi returned after a bit. It struck you slowly that none of the staff had approached the table once since your arrival. You hid behind Mike as much as you could, hulking form letting you have your meltdown without any observation. Food was handed out, beverages placed around. Levi took up the spot across from you, not a one of them batting an eye over Mike keeping the lion’s share of your company.

The distance you normally demanded while eating was breached by Mike’s knee resting against yours. He was not forcing the contact, but normally he would have given you more space. You had your leg pressed to his, crackling of nerves be damned. You would regret this all later, you were sure. You were going to be beyond spent within the next hour.

You took a sip of the steaming beverage placed beside your meal. Levi watched with bated breath as you took a moment to understand what you were even drinking. It was spicy, and creamy, and very rich tasting. The flavors were playing across your palet and yet not overwhelmingly so. You took another swig only to down the whole cup. It was good.

“She liked that.” Mike had a chuckle to his tone. “What was it? Smelt like chai?”

“Basically the same, but a hand blend. Wanted her to have something balanced a little different than the tea is usually.” Levi nudged Erwin, getting up with your empty mug.

Your eyes looked from Levi’s hardly eaten meal to his already standing form. Before you could even put your concerned words together Levi sighed out a response. “Let me dote. Not every day I get to show off like this.”

Erwin chuckled, clearly understanding what you and Mike had missed. “Levi is mixing the tea himself. It’s a hobby of his, whole reason he owns this hybrid cafe. A love of cooking, a love of tea.”

“The coffee got added because of you, I imagine.” Mike was smiling wide. You were relaxing into their all being happy, even as you failed to get as upbeat as them.

Levi was quicker to return this time, new cup by you before rejoining the table and its conversation. The three men discussed a rambling number of things, stories getting inserted by Erwin or Levi about events from their shared history a little more easily than usual. You drank in the stories as greedily as your tea, something Levi seemed especially eager to have you do.

Eventually the last of the food was cleared from plates, your leftovers boxed without need of a request. Standing to go was a strange feeling. You were so anxious to begin with, the build of new tension was bordering on painful. You hardly knew what to do with yourself. Levi and Mike had no such issue. Erwin headed out the door first, Levi carried your leftovers close at his heel. Mike stayed back with you, giving you company as you took a little longer than normal to be sure you were not forgetting anything.

Standing outside, it was a sad parting. Levi shared a quick peck of lips to Erwin, gesture repeated with the taller Mike only after pulling him down by the collar. You expected that to be the end of it, but you were wrong. Mike got a nod from Levi before coming up to stand in front of you. He turned up your chin, and leaned down. It was a similar peck of lips to what he had just done with Levi, nothing remotely scandalous. Erwin stepped in next, kiss placed on your cheek instead.

“Erwin.” Mike chided. “You’re being mean by withholding.”

“Do it properly or you’re only getting cheek kisses for the foreseeable future.” Levi was ice.

Erwin smiled at you, turning up your chin, chaste kiss placed on your lips. It was nice, very nice, having this open affection between all of you. You did not want them to go, but you needed to go.

“Better.” Levi was clearly only just satisfied. “Needs work.”

“Most men don’t tell other men to get better at kissing their girlfriend.” Erwin had a playful challenge in his words, stance moved to be a little more possessive of you.

“Tch. Careful Eyebrows. Me and your boyfriend could keep her all for ourselves. No more kisses for you at all.” Levi pulled you to him and kissed your neck, a hard kiss that made your body ache for more.

“Guys, much as I love the flirting? She needs home and I’m getting close myself. Let’s go to her room or part ways, but standing here is a hard no.” Mike had his bangs completely in his eyes.

Levi dragged fidgeting fingers down Erwin then Mike’s arms before turning and leading you away. You were at the corner when Levi started humming, soft and just for you. He waved your linked hands to Marco, freckled desk clerk ever vigilant. The keycard was sourced from your pocket by Levi, not a word wasted in trying to get you to do it. Levi just took action to get you through your front door. You were relaxing as soon as the door to your room closed.

“Thank you.” You spoke for the first time in so very long.

“Was it alright that we stayed out? I wasn’t sure you wanted to. Kinda differed to Mike with you going so far into your head.” Levi was coming close again, leftovers stored, shoes and coat off.

“It was fine. Better in a way. Kinda messed up now though.” You had a tear trail down your cheek, you only noticed it because Levi wiped it away. “I’m not okay.”

Those words were not supposed to slip out, you were never to let anyone know how bad it was. Once those weak little words got loose, you broke. All you had been holding up came crashing down. You were trembling, tears too numerous to shed a single one, so it just felt like being on fire. Burning alive and yet you were actually going cold. It was a tempest of feelings lashing around inside you, but heartbreakingly the violence of it was not the slightest bit evident. In a word, it hurt.

Levi was quick to react. He was tugging off your coat, taking off your shoes. He was dragging you into the bed, cuddling you to under the covers. He was hot kisses on your cooling skin. He felt so much warmer than usual to you. His hands were slow, but firmly, petting you as Mike had been doing earlier. His leg slid between yours, lips connecting at last. He worked his lips to yours, pushing and pulling you into something a little more human. You were listless by the time he stopped to breathe.

“That help?” He was stroking your cheek, worry in his eye.

“Yeah, that helped.” You needed to feel connected, safe, and loved.

The pair of you laid like that, tangled and warm, for as long as you could. You were drained, long past empty. The numb was the loudest feeling now and that was the one you hated the most. You would have traded near anything to feel something, anything. You were drifting when the text tone made you tense up. It was only thirty minutes after the outing that Levi tutted at his phone.

“Have to go out. Want me to come back here or do you want space to unwind?” Levi understood your love for solitude even better than Mike, it seemed.

You took a moment to get your head around the condition of you. Levi had to be reaching his limits as well. Maybe he was even hoping you wanted space. You tried to read that blank mask of his and felt the growing frustration of not being as perceptive as you usually were. The details were there, but you could not make heads or tails of their meaning.

“Dreamer. Not a trick question. I am open to coming back, laying right back down with you. If you want. If you don’t, I’m not mad. I understand needing space.” Levi was trying to read you and seemed to be having as much luck as you had been.

“I think I want you here.” You were only mostly sure. You were in the strange limbo that a day like this could make. You wanted space, you needed him close. You could not have both, so you picked the one you thought you wanted more. You could not be sure what was better, and that feeling was the hardest to explain.

“Alright. You change your mind, just say. I’m not going to be upset with you. I get it. Erwin would get his eyebrows all bunched over my needing breaks from him. I know it isn’t that you don’t want me around, it’s that you need to be with you. I get it.” Levi kissed you, light and airy.

“I’m kinda wobbly and having you come back sounds better?” You could not name the feeling that was building at the thought of his leaving. All you could identify was fear, but the why was totally out of reach.

“Okay, sweetness. I’ll be back. Might be kinda late. But I’ll let you know.” Levi was putting on his shoes with a clear annoyance. “I’d rather not leave. You going to be okay?”

You simpered at how much he wanted to help. “I’m fine.” The lie was silk off your tongue, so well spoken even you believed it.

You huddled under the blankets after he left. Harris was fed, you were not hungry, the kind of not hungry that made you eat after a few hours anyways. You were not going to get hungry tonight. The night ticked by, feeling stagnant and sick.

Your heart sank when Levi confirmed he was going to be late. He had texted you like he said, you were so glad. Your worrying mind would have assumed something had happened to him if he had not done as he had said. You wondered where he was, who he was with. Your mind was drumming up a different set of useless fears. You shoved the thoughts away as totally ungrounded, but the feelings still lingered like an aftertaste.

You closed your eyes, hoping that sleep might distract you from Levi’s extended absence. Maybe the feelings would ebb faster while you rested. Sleep was ever evasive when you were alone, but eventually your body settled enough to succumb to slumber.

The darkness was everywhere. You turned, trying to get away, from what you were unsure. It was pure fear, coursing your veins at a double time. You ran until a streetlight, the first sign you were on a street at all, illuminated two people. One was standing over the crumpled body of the other.

Erwin had Mike’s heart in his hand. The beat was steady, muscle seeming to be continuing its task even if not where it belonged. Mike looked so sorry from his place on the asphalt. He was speaking with a building insistency, but you could not hear him at all. You stepped closer but it only made his urgency worse. He seemed frantic in his reaching for you, face contorted in his shouting, but no sound was reaching your ears.

“He’s sorry, you know.” Levi was suddenly behind you. He walked away from you, taking Erwin’s empty right hand in his own.

Your heart was sinking. Erwin leaned down, kissing Levi as passionately as you had ever seen him kiss Mike. The shattering feeling of loss in your chest was too much.

“Please, please, you said... Levi, you promised.” You begged them, tears burning at the edges of your eyes. They could not do this to you. They loved you.

“That was only a dream.” Levi sounded so sorry.

“No. No, no, no.” You overflowed with your sorrow, the fear of losing all of them tearing you to ribbons.

You were falling to the ground, crushed like a trampled flower under a callous boot. Your reaching for them was only answered by Mike who was drifting away with them, further out of reach. You realized you had kept falling, the ground having vanished. They were being spirited away as oblivion swallowed you whole.

“Shit, please! Wake the _fuck_ up!” Levi’s words cut into the smothering black, disembodied and somehow so much more real.

You were gasping, choking on your very real tears. It had just been a vivid dream, not real. You were awake now, you were mostly sure.

“Thank fuck. You all the way awake now? You here with me Little Dreamer?” Levi was wiping away your tears as fast as you could produce them. He looked so worried underneath that stoic expression.

“You all stopped loving me.” You were tugging at Levi’s shirt, trying to climb inside him, away from the world and it’s cruel truths. Fear of losing him echoed in you.

“That was only a dream.” Levi’s voice was just as tinged in apology.

“Please, no. No, I need you to not say-“ your own sobs robbed you of coherence.

“Tch. It was just a shitty nightmare.” Levi was whispering as he kissed at your cheek. “Still hurts, though. Doesn’t it? It's ok, I won't let you be alone in this. I'm here. I'm right here. Who was this ‘all’ that stopped loving you?”

“Mike, Erwin... and you.” You were so afraid to voice a feeling that had started crawling under your skin.

The three of them were close. You hoped it was just your depression making it feel like you were trespassing into what should have been the three of them. That you were only pest allowed to tag along because they pitied you. Mike loved you. Erwin did too, in his way. Levi being the newest to enter your life had you hesitating to hope for too much. To say you did not wish for his already caring for you, that maybe it was even a caring one could call a fledgling form of love, was a lie.

“You know nothing shy of murdering him will get Mike to stop loving you. And even then I think he’d wait to pass judgement. He loves you a ridiculous amount.” Levi kissed your cheek. “Erwin can’t help but love you. You can keep up with all that intellectual crap he spews. Again, I think you’d have to murder Mike to get there to be a falling out between you.”

You nodded. It was solid logic to disprove the panic, to contest the whispered fearsin your head. You nestled into his hold more, ignoring how awkward it must be for him. You had confessed to him, in a way. The two of you had only officially been a couple for a week. Even with the fact that Levi had spent more time with you over the past two months than in his own home, you still flet like your deep affection had been granted too swiftly.

“I don’t want you to panic when I say this. I’m not trying to upset you.” Levi was speaking with caution.

You braced for the delicate way he was going to attempt to spare your feelings without making it sound like he wanted to break up. It was too fast, he hardly knew you. He could not care as deeply for you as you already did for him.

“I do love you. You are so complex. I can’t get enough of you. I... shit, I’m so fucking bad at this. I just mean, you are going to have to do something pretty dramatic to get me out of your life. Even if you don’t ever love me back-“

You kissed him. You were not the assertive sort normally. You were more comfortable asking than the taking, especially in your current state. Actions were just easier than words in this moment. You needed Levi to chase away the pain. You needed him to shake your bones so that the haunting loss of the dream fell away. You needed to be closer to him.

“I do love you back, already.” You spoke into his mouth.

“You do, hm?” Levi let you choose if you wanted more, each kiss was met passionately, but none were initiated by him.

“Show me you love me?” You whispered the request, barely able to get the words out. “Chase away my bad dream?”

“Oh, Little Dreamer. Anything. I’ll do anything you want. How can I show you I love you?” Levi was a husky whisper at your throat, kissing all of your favorite places.

You swallowed hard, trying to muster your courage. “Make love to me?” Your words barely got out.

“If that’s what you want sweetness. If that’s what will chase the nightmare away.” Levi was nibbling at your neck, you were melting. “I need to, well, I should tell you something.”

“Is it bad?” You were not in place where you could deal with bad.

“No, not really. I don’t think. Maybe?” Levi leaned back, worry clearly making him tense. “I can’t have kids.”

You waited a long moment for something more. He did not offer anything else, meaning that was the entirety of the anvil to drop on you. You mulled over those words for a moment. Big picture wise you were in no headspace to be planning a family, not tonight to be sure. It did bring a different question to mind, one you had not really thought of before making your request.

“Are you bringing this up because you don’t have protection with you?” You had a leeriness coming up. You were not sure why you were getting so paranoid about his intentions when you were the one to even have asked.

“I do. I, shit. It occurred to me that you might want me to have like, papers or something showing I’m clean. I have condoms. Just also occurred to me that it might... fuck, did I screw this up?”

You licked your lips and took the question as needing a genuine answer. “No. My head isn’t being fair and mistrusted you over nothing. I just... why can’t you have kids?” The way he said it was what was really getting to you. Your head did not deal well with vagueness, it was too close to secrets.

“I’m sterile. It’s a bit complicated, and not sexy, but I don’t have any seed to my cum.” Levi was chewing the words like they tasted bad. This was not what he wanted to be saying in this moment.

You nodded, making up your mind. “And you’re clean?”

Levi looked at you with that curious look he oh so often gave you. “Yes. Signed off on by a doctor. Not super recent, but haven’t been with anyone since I got an all clear.”

“Okay.” You started to tug off your clothes.

“Okay?” Levi blinked then shook his head, clearing away whatever thought had stalled him up. “Okay.”

Levi caught your hands before you could stripe off your panties. He was half undressed, but seemed a bit unsettled still. He nudged a knee between your legs and pinned your wrists over your head. He pecked a line along your cheek, to end at your lips. It was a slow kiss. Leisurely, he worked his mouth with yours, taking his time in letting his tongue slip in to dance with yours. He ran strong digits up your palms to lace his fingers with yours. Every thought that had been racing in your mind faded to the feel of his hands with yours, those warm lips and slick tongue.

His weight settled between your legs and you could not contain the wanton sounds collecting in your throat. Levi ate them down, grinding denim into cotton to earn some more. You were wrestling with him, with yourself. You wanted to remove the barriers, get the last layers off, you could not let go of his hands to do it. Levi was moaning his own appreciation to your struggle, catching how you kept pulling him close every time he tried to let go.

“Sweetness, you need to let go of my hands if you want these jeans off.” Levi’s voice was husky in your ear.

“Don’t want to let go.” You sounded petulant, even to you.

“Mm, not letting me go then. Changing where you are hanging on.” Levi brought one of your hands to the fuzz of his under cut, the other was placed on his side, the flex of his rib cage distracting you with his every breath. “Claw me up if you want. I won’t mind having the reminders for days to come.”

He stayed close to you so that you never lost contact. He was kissing your chest, soft presses to your breastbone as the last of his clothes were tossed off the bed. Before you could get just as naked, he was back on top of you. He rolled his hips, rubbing his bare length between you. The practiced movement made you feel the way he was spreading your covered femalia. The approving hum he gave made your heart flutter. He kissed your chin, your neck, down and down. The kissing stopped when he reached the waistband of what you hoped he was about to remove.

He ran his teeth over your skin, catching the elastic instead. It was a quick tug and release, just enough to make you gasp. He pulled them down and off you, dropping them to join the pool of other shed articles. He was kissing his way back up with those same heavy kisses. He pushed his hands up your skin, firm touch making your bones settle.

“This still what you want my Dreamer?” Levi dipped his hips lower, to tease your exposure with his nudity.

“Yes.” You were holding him at his biceps, muscles iron under your fingers.

Levi lined himself, taking a moment to stroke over your clit with the head of his length. You were watching him flirt with you a moment longer before pushing lower to your core. You had your eyes close, savouring his blunt heat parting lower lips. The first push of his entering you had you breathing hard. You were wrecked with the sensation of it.

“Easy there, easy.” Levi kissed your chin, not wanting to impede your rapid breaths. “Look at me sweetness.”

You looked into icicle eyes and had your breathing even out. His calmness was yours, his steady breath easily matched. He started to push inside and you were feeling every second of it in clarity. He was filling you in one long plunge, only stopping once sheathed deep inside. You held his eyes, feeling him shift ever so slightly within you.

The pace he started with matched the tempo up to now. Slow pulls, long pushes. As you adjusted to him, he picked up the rhythm. Muscles shifted under your hands, the strength of him coiled and ready to give you more. Before you knew it he was fast and hard and you were raking your contentment across his alabaster skin in angry red. He was praising each new mark and gifting sloppy kisses as reward. When his teeth pressed to your skin you nearly came, you liked it so much.

“Mm, almost, almost my love.” Levi spoke into your skin, not moving from his lapping at your neck.

You were meeting each of his powerful thrusts, closing in on release. He was tireless, teeth hinting at what you knew he would deliver right at the end. You were nearing your limit, head swimming in the sensation of him, his taste, his smell. Another nibble and you were all but mewling for him. You were at the edge, trying not to fall.

“Levi-“ It was all you got out before he bit your neck, hard, in just the perfect spot.

You bucked, involuntary surge of body making him moan into your throat. You were convulsing around him, and he was enjoying every second of it. Before you had finished he twitched and sent another wave of euphoria up your spine, his warmth filling you only to blur out under your skin. He worked his teeth, meeting each over your pants with a flex of jaw. You knew the bruise on your neck would be wicked in the morning, but for now it was the most splendid feeling. Levi dragged himself free of you, his lips sucking at the tendered spot he had made being last to separate. Yes, the bruise would be deep and you would feel it with every turn of your head. You could have purred you were so sated.

“Want to shower with me?” Levi was rubbing your leg, a kiss pressed to your shoulder.

“Can’t stand without your help.” You were closer to a liquid than a person.

“I’ll carry you, if that’s what it takes.” Levi kissed the divots his teeth had left. “We need to shower.”

You caught the hint of force in his tone. “It’s a need? Carry me.”

Levi got to his feet with a little rust to his motions. He rolled his muscles loose before scooping you up. “I should say I need to shower. I’d just rather we shower.”

You nodded, suspecting a bit of why the cafe was always so clean, why Levi was always so immaculate. “You’re a clean freak, aren’t you?”

“Tch, I’m surprised Erwin never mentioned. And I’m just not one to abide filth,” Levi corrected.

“Clean freak.” You kissed his neck, before licking up his cheek.

“You’re lucky I find you so sexy, or that would have been gross.” Levi squeezed his hold on your leg, “I’d have dropped you.”

“But then you’d have to let go,” you teased.

“Never letting go. Promise.” He sounded so serious. Nothing else Levi could have said would have made you happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can not force my audience to interpret my writing in the ways I want, and normally I don't feel a need to say anything about it. This time, I do.
> 
> Being in a near constant state of stressed and hyper stimulated, Reader loses her shit. Deep end, as bad as it can get for her, loses her shit. If one has never had a sensory/emotional overload lead to a near catatonic state of numb, this might seem incomprehensible, generate assumptions of exaggeration. It is a real experience I have had personally (more times than I care to admit) and I was painfully alone (even when surrounded by family) in my trying to cope. I have given Reader the three people she loves most to support her. Mike is her best friend of forever, they have talked about everything, including how this has happened in the past. He gets it and does not expect her to explain to him (while in that condition no less) how she is feeling. He is NOT being a patriarchal asshole, nor oppressing Reader's autonomy. He is being a loving and supporting friend, helping in the ways he has previously been told she needs. Accepting help, especially when feeling like you ~need~ to be a strong, independent woman is bloody fracking hard. Twisting this act of trust, love, and acceptance into anything else serves no one...  
> ...unless one is hunting for witches to burn.


	13. Crystal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst heavy with a bit of mild smut in the middle.
> 
> Reminding you all this is a dark fic.

You could hardly see in the darkness. Being in an underground lab, having only low flames and strange glowing equipment as light, made near everything hard to see. It was a blessing, really. Within the blackened iron cages was what had been people, not so long ago. Now there was just amorphous red. You only ever felt it, having seen it meaning it was too late. The sparkling crimson light floated by, silently moving to the room beyond this one. When the dimness returned, it signaled that it was safe to move again.

The five that appeared before you looked like military elite. They were in dark garb, perfect for infiltrating this pit. You did not recognize any of them at first glance. Their leader signaled to you, gestures used to try and communicate. Your expression must have conveyed your confusion well enough without words. You caught one set of motions, a pointing to you, a pointing back the way you came. You nodded, leading them back to where you had entered the underground. The one at the rear looked around, craning his neck to see around the dead child suspended in blue liquid closest to him. It was a macabre sort of lovely. He was glad her eyes were closed. The coast was clear so far, nothing had noticed them.

You were half way through the darkened hell, charging forward, not looking back to be sure they were following. There was no time. It could come back. The lab set ups were the same in each room. specimens too deteriorated to even be sure they had once been human. The similarities of the twisted scorched metal cages and bones still wet made navigation hard. They all looked alike, but you caught the little differences in the skeletal bars. The cages were unique, different as each tattered piece left to fade within had once been. The captain of the team was right at your heel. The other four were silently keeping up, movements needing to be as silent as a ghost’s.

The one at the rear once again turned to look and be sure nothing was following you all. He had a harder time seeing around yet another poor girl, suspended in the ethereal blue liquid. A specimen, horrifically preserved. She must have only been six years old. This one was so close to him, it only partially registered how strange it was that it was directly behind him, where only moments before he had been walking. You all pressed on in haste.

You got to the surface. The world was reducing to dust everywhere, far as the eye could see. It looked almost like snow, everything coated in the end of the world. The captain was right at your heel still. He was watching your back as if you were his only charge. The others followed, seeming to be a better balance of watching out for each other. As the last made it up the steps, you had to cover your mouth to keep from making a sound. The fear bubbled up into your throat, trying to escape, regardless of the sound bringing certain death.

It floated. The threat was within what looked like a jar cut roughly from blue crystal. Trapped inside that sapphire toned prison, like a moth in amber, was the girl. The construct bobbed along after the last in your party as if it were a ballon in tow, with him oblivious to his absolution coiled just behind him. Their captain opened his mouth to speak, to warn, and only then did you recognize him. Your hand slapped over Levi’s mouth, silence being your only salvation. Death was already here, having yet to notice you, since her eyes were closed.

You fumbled through your pockets, trying to find the only weapon that worked. It was taking too long, it was about to touch him. If it did, it was all over. He turned, to see the same thing that had filled the rooms bellow, or so he thought. It was a little girl, dead and gone, already lost to them. Too late to save her, too late to save any of them.

But it should not have been between him and the steps.

He stumbled back, ground meeting his suddenly supine form. The creature moved, your heart racing with the horrifying knowledge of what would come next. Too late. It was all much too late. The battle had already ended in a loss. The crystal floated to above him, thin inches from touching him. It was a choking hope that he might not be caught, that he might yet still get way. His coat just barely brushed it as he tried to scoot out from under. It had always been too late.

The shimmering blue turned blood red. It was a whirring sound, invisible turbine getting closer, already present. Always here. The crystal exploded, broken ruby shards pinning the soldier to the ground as a dozen swords. Bare foot and small, the child stood on his gurgling form. Too cruel this, what you knew was coming next.

Her crying eyes opened.

Red and gore was all that was left of him. The shape of a man gone, reduced to naught but a mess of vittles. She levitated up, crystals going icicle clear to join her in her loftiness. They were hanging swords, encircling her in a ring of violence for any she found. Her eyes were closed as she floated toward the next closest of the team.

The man dove between the razor sharp shards of once more beautiful blue gem, a sky like azure. It was the wrong choice but to speak to tell him was your own doom. He grabbed her, rage tempered down to half hidden under a calm mask, but not enough. Her eyes found his, black tears trailing her cheeks, dripping but never falling to her immaculate dress. He fell to tattered ruin without her moving a muscle, garnet stones floating around her unmoved.

“You are being too noisy.” She was whispering, fear evident in every syllable. “They’ll find us.”

You strengthened your hold over Levi’s mouth as you held your own in a straining grip. Him, you had to save. You could not be alone with her, only her. Not anymore.

The shards of ice-like beauty lashed into a blinding whirl. The diamond blades found the young woman in their squad, she was cut to ribbons before she could hope to turn to run. The last, aside from you and Levi, lunged. His rage was in his clenched teeth, his violent eyes... that faltered as they connected with her sorrow stained lashes and grief caged irises.

“You can’t feel that way. It’s _bad_ to feel that way.” The broken innocence of a child explained his reason for dying. “Only bad things, evil people, feel like that. We can’t feel... like that. Better if we can’t feel. At all.”

The sound of his collapse was horrifying and wet. It made tears fill your eyes, fingers digging a little into Levi’s ever blank mask. His soldiers were dead but he showed no outward sign of feeling. He just moved as their wrath.

He was a blur of motion. As the storm of slick obsidian blades slashed at him, he weaved his way through. He caught her, ripping her from the air as a puppet torn from strings. He was pinning her to the ground, bleak vengeance his to deliver. His anger at her started to bloom, emotions surfacing. You could not live with losing him, too.

“Don’t hurt me.” You pleaded with Levi, hoping he would understand. “Please, Levi. Let me go.”

He let her go, rolling to the side so she could rise to meet you. He stayed silent, you were glad. His confusion stopped the anger from rising enough to damn him. She opened her eyes, inky black tears streaking her cheeks. You knelt down, wiping away your pain and it’s evidence on her, on _your_ six year old cheeks with dried blood stained fingers.

“They aren’t here any more.” You tried to convince your six year old self. “You’re free now. You don’t have to be afraid anymore.”

“Never gone. Always here. Dying. Dead.” Eyes you knew from the mirror looked into yours, imploring. “They abandoned us?”

“No, but He is not here. They are far and away. You are free now. Safe in your own self. You can play now. You can laugh now. Loud and wild. You are so totally safe now. I have you.” You leaned in, chaste kiss given to your youthful forehead.

You fell forward into Levi’s waiting arms, small form gone as mist. It was a wild magic. Green verdancy erupted from bellow the fake winter of Ragnarök. Life, brilliant and uncontrollable spread out from you as if the impact from a nuclear blast. It started to rain, washing the last of dark staining tears from your adult cheeks.

“Who’s gone?” Levi asked, now that the threat was over, though forever present.

“You wouldn’t understand.” You turned your face up, letting your tears of missing Him, Them, get lost to the rain.

You woke like surfacing from the ocean. You were gasping, fingers going to find your damp cheeks. You wiped at the residue angrily. You grabbed that rage and hugged it deep in your chest, loving the scared, sad and rage filled little girl that had been so quiet for so long. He was not in your life like that anymore. They had been left by you, not the other way round. You were not a child anymore, never needed to be so weak ever again. Yet you felt weak.

“Little Dreamer? What’s wrong? Nightmare?” Levi was sitting up with you, your jostling no doubt waking him.

You leaned in and kissed him, forcing him back toward his pillow. He let you deepen the kiss with ease, pulling you down with him. He tasted slightly of copper, a metallic tang that you had not noticed earlier in the night. Maybe he had bitten his cheek in his sleep? It did not really matter. You needed to feel free, whole, _wild_.

“Fuck me.” You whispered it to Levi, fighting your fear at admitting your need for him.

So many jagged emotions swirled around in you. You needed to find a safe center. You needed to be in your aged self, no longer the victim of youth’s restrictive chain. You were free of those bonds, you had severed away from dependency so long ago. You made you safe now, but you so desperately wanted-

“What the fuck were you dreaming to wake up crying, yet wanting me so badly?” Levi started to kiss at your neck, hands slipping lower to tug off your panties, the borrowed without permission hoodie unzipped but left on.

“My father.” Your honesty spoke before the wrongness of the context caught up. “Not like that.” You quickly back peddled. “I dreamed I was a kid again and I want to _be_ an adult now.”

“And fucking me is the most adult thing to do to defy him? Better than smoking, I guess. Freud was right. Everyone has damned daddy issues.” Levi had his grogginess make his words hold more snark than you could handle.

It was an old trigger, deep and re-woken to a hair’s sensitivity. You looked away, playful glibness warped into harsh disgust of you. Even seeing it was not intended that way, even knowing why the tears bloomed, you were drowning in pain. The old hurt was not all that filled you however. You grabbed for the tiny ember, the near snuffed out cherry of your rage. It flared, shielding in waiting wrath what could not defend itself.

“You can be such an asshole, you don’t even know it. I’m siccing Mike on you for that one.” You nipped at him a little harder than you meant to, hiding your sob in a snarl.

Levi hissed with the sting, but did not let his tongue make it worse with more crass words. Maybe that was because he was busy kissing away your newest flood of tears, maybe it was because you had evoked your Sheepdog’s protection by name. Regardless, he kept from letting his words hit any more of your all too vulnerable soul. Your defences wobbled under a wish to trust, a hate for ever having trusted.

You were rolled over to your back, grogginess being shed from him with action. His sleep wear was off in seconds. Levi was not hard yet, but he seemed eager to get there. He was lapping away your tears, fervent kisses finding every needy spot on you. He used teeth to tease but the duality to your reactions had him hesitating to bite hard.

“My lovely Dreamer, you need me to be gentler?” Levi was keeping himself off you, space offered under the belief you needed it.

“Crush me. Break me. Rip me open like overripe fruit, sticky and sweet.” Your voice cracked. “I can take it. I want to prove I can take it.”

Your fingers ached to touch the old whispers of how you had tested your endurance when alone. The hoodie hid them. You knew how much pain you could take. You had the scars to prove it, smooth hauntings littered on your skin. You had lost count of them, had maybe never really needed a number. You had bled; the scars lingered over a decade later. That hurt was nothing compared to your heart’s rending, over and over again still.

You were not asking Levi, or anyone, to harm you. You were merely looking to show yourself, remind yourself of the scope of hurt you endured in silence. It would give contrast, cut through the numb. You were so in need to feel your edges, to have a body, to be in it. You needed. So badly.

If you could just trust him to help you, when everyone before had only-

“Please Levi, please make me feel you.” You almost choked on the words. “Make me feel something good.”

“Oh, my sweetest Dream. I’ll make you feel me. I won’t stop until you feel good.”

Even saying he was going to meet your request, he was too gentle for your taste. You needed him to break through the numbness enveloping you, by force. You could not get out on your own. You tugged at him, trying to get him to go harder, faster, something. He let you push the accelerator without trying to slow you down. When you pulled him in, rushing his entering you, he finally understood what you wanted.

He was rough. Hips colliding in wet agressive sounds and you met each one. You were clinging to him and he was doing the same, fingertips digging in enough to bruise. His strength was a piston pumping into you, fire and steel helping you reforge your bones, flesh and soul back into one. His sturdy body was a shield, armor even as he made you feel how naked you were. The harsh thrusts that made it hard to breathe made you feel so whole. You were reclaiming your shape, your body had edges again. A bite to your collarbone caught the nerve, making you whimper slightly in your wanton gasp.

“Too much?” Levi was watching you, keeping to the rhythm as you had been setting it. How was he not even slightly winded?

“Surprised me. Keep going. Please?” You were panting, keeping up with him was like trying to outmatch a machine.

This time you expected the electric charge of teeth finding your pressure point. Your attempt to say ‘more’ garbled into a moaning growl, but Levi did not pull away this time. It would bruise. Any visual would be hidden under clothes, a mirror would be needed for you to see it, but you would feel it for days. It was perfect.

Your nails dragged and you felt Levi’s skin give. He hissed out a pleased ‘yes’, helping you understand his want for words while dancing on this razor’s edge. You were willing to be reckless, risk going too far to be sure you went far enough. Levi was unwilling to let you get damaged by him.

It was a truly wondrous thing. The reason you felt so safe giving this man your life was because you knew he would be careful of it. You wanted to let go of those tight reins you held onto for yourself. You wanted to let go, believing that Levi would not let you fall. You believed in him, trusted him. You would have let him hold your literal heart in his hands, had he asked. That he understood the weight of your gifting this trust was tantamount to giving it to him.

“Close.” You tried to give him a warning.

He growled that contented sound, spurring into a frenzy to drive you both over the ledge. Your orgasm was a whisper where you had anticipated a roar. It was silky soft, subtle but engulfing. You were warm and sated in the deepest way as you simply had all the tension in you thaw. It was inhaling after holding your breath, but smoother. Levi had grabbed the bedding, wrenching his fists in linen to keep his forceful grip from crushing you. He was kissing your neck, licking slightly. For a man so obsessed with cleanliness, he did seem to enjoy making you a total mess.

He supported you during the shared shower. How he could even stand with composure after such a workout was beyond you. He was some sort of tea elf, or cleaning fairy, or maybe something darker. Regardless you melted into his hands lathering your skin, the care of his washing you clean of him.

The ritual continued with him retrieving his single never-to-be-lit smoke and sitting in the window. He only took out the lone cigarette right after sex, as you had noticed. It was a niggling thought that one, like it should matter to you, that he only did this as a postcoital habit. You went back to the bed, trying to reclaim as much of it as you could from the cat.

Perching in the open window, that unlit cigarette danced between Levi’s fingers, his thoughts a million miles away. You watched the pristine cigarette with the same curiosity as Harris, though he would probably act on his thoughts long before you would. The rush had faded, the connection to Levi was turbulent at best and not getting better. Your dream was racing through your head and you did not want to tell him about it. It would take too much to even begin to explain it to him.

You wanted Mike. Mike already knew better than to be rough with you in regards to your family. He already knew your history, your secrets. Levi’s words still hurt, looping and becoming more distorted at every repetition. You knew it was not actually how he had said it, not what he had meant at all, but your trust was rattled despite trying to reclaim it and you were not willing to expose yourself again. Not about this.

“You’re tense already. Am I making it worse?” Levi was letting in so much street sound from the day starting, the sun only just rising.

“Nothing will make it better.” You tried not to throw blame. Being mad with him was not how you felt, not really. “Want to see Mike.”

It had been two weeks since you had seen him on that miserable lunch. You had been a wreck and hardly able to enjoy his company properly. Now Mike was the one being a ghost. Texting worked out, but calls were not getting returned. You were feeling distant from him in the worst way. No one got you like he did.

“He’s been busy with work. You know that.” Levi sounded guilty to you.

Maybe it was because he had been seeing Erwin every few days, possibly even catching Mike at times. Maybe it was because he was definitely getting as many texts from Mike as you were. Maybe it was because he could tell it scared you how close the three of them were getting. You were in no condition to win in a competition with Erwin and Mike for Levi’s affection. If it came to that, you had already lost.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t want to see him.” You had a heavy sulk weighing in your chest. Your lungs felt full of chlorine, chemical burned to raw almost.

“He up this early? I’ll step out for a while. Let you call him, talk without worrying about eavesdropping.” The cigarette was between his lips as he spoke. “Won’t go far. Just loiter at the cafe. Nana’s shift should be just ending.”

“Kay.” You rolled a little more into a ball. Everything hurt, yet you could not feel your body at all.

“You can call me and I’ll come right back?” Levi was closing the window.

You would not be calling him. “I know.”

Levi kissed your temple when you did not move to meet his leaning down. “You want me to give you the day?”

“That’s fine.” You buried your face into his pillow.

“I’ll text you in a bit.” Levi was soft. “Be back later, Dreamer.”

“Goodbye, Levi.” Your words were not loud enough to be heard over the clunk of the door closing. He would not have understood, even if he had.

 

~~

 

It was Erwin’s ring tone, but he suspected it would not be Erwin on the other end of the line. Levi’s head lulled back, mind surfacing from the shared dream while Nanaba kept sucking at his wrist. The whimpered protest to his interrupting the meal to answer his phone was ignored. He knew what Mike was going to say, he was expecting the call far sooner.

“Mike is too angry to speak to you.” Erwin started in before Levi could even properly answer the call. “You really have a way with words. A destructive way with them. I doubt you could do this much damage on purpose.”

Levi licked over his teeth, lisp of fang being something he would earn additional scolding for, at least until Erwin heard it was only Nanaba he was with. “I was half in her dream still. Wasn’t thinking about my wording. Fuck Erwin, I wasn’t thinking about any implications.” Levi adjusted his sleeve in harsh tugs. “Shit, even now I’m only kinda guessing at what I did wrong.”

Nanaba fell back into a graceful sulk. Blood tinted lips were licked before giving a mouthed offer to bring tea. Levi nodded. Erwin would never be angry with Levi for keeping their Nanaba feed. He might get snippy over Levi’s sharing their precious Dreamer’s secrets with an outsider, though.

“She trusted you to protect her and you hurt her instead.” Erwin had a growl entering his words.

“Shit. I was hoping she just took my crappy humor as some snide shit about a Freudian wanting for her-“

“If you ever voice that thought around her be ready to have her at your throat. Mike too. Her unrelenting love for her family is as deep a rending in her as they get. No one has hurt her deeper, made it harder for her to voice her suffering.”

A trusted protector that harms, a silence born of love, a parallel he should never, even for an instant, have drawn between him and her past. Levi swallowed hard, jest filled words hitting a new painful cord, one he desperately wished he could take back. “I fucked up so royally. Shit, Erwin. How bad is it? That fucking analytical mind of hers... I can’t even keep up at times. She hears meaning I could never hope to intend.”

“Well, you ‘kicked her legs out when she was trying to collect herself’. Mike sussed out something about feeling small, trying to feel grown, your being a dick and making her feel like an incest greedy child... all while she is laying herself open for you. Physically. Emotionally.”

“Yeah. Fuck. She was so brave. She asked for me. She asked to _fuck_. I couldn’t just enjoy it, could I? I fucking knew it was a gift. The fuck is wrong with me?” Levi’s frustration with himself was turning vicious.

“Chronic case of asshole.” Nanaba had returned with the tea just in time to be sassy, and deescalate Levi’s spiral into self loathing.

“What Nana said.” Erwin sounded a little more relaxed, tone used to take some of the edge off the situation. “You’re at the cafe or Nana’s?”

“Cafe.” Nanaba answered as if the conversation were on speaker phone.

“Levi, go back up. She is hurting. Try not to... talk. At all.” Erwin gave a sigh. “She needs your strength, to keep the world from crushing her while she airs this tendered place in her. Mike would go if he could.”

“Right. She off the phone with Mike yet?” Levi could hear the low growl of the Sheepdog, a room away and too hushed to be understood.

“Yeah. He is still ‘baying to the moon’.” Erwin had a softness entre his tone when the subject of Mike came up. “It’s what they call it. They rant to the sky when they want to vent, to get it out of their system, but know they have lost their objectivity. He’ll calm down, maybe even give you a ring. This hurt him too, her injury getting renewed after so long seeming healed.”

“Right. If I don’t answer his call it’s because I’m with her.” Levi was already standing to go, cup of tea shotgunned to prevent waste.

“Don’t leave until she opens the door.” Erwin hung up.

“Shit assed, fucking-“ Levi’s vulgarities failed to hold his frustration enough, so he descended into a roar of shapeless ire.

She was retreating, from him, from the world. It was all the same really. He had thought he was helping, he had made it worse. Leaving had been the wrong answer, yet again. It was easy to guess that she felt abandoned, would lock him out to keep him from doing it again. It was a practical choice, suffering alone now to prevent the worse pain of loneliness later. He could remember Mike telling him how it felt for her, the need to isolate. ‘She isn’t lonely, just disappointed to once again be so alone.’ She expected no one to be there for her. He would find a way to show her; he was never letting her go, even when he gave her the space he knew they both sometimes needed. He would set up a fucking tent outside that door, if need be.

 

~~

 

“Dreamer. You realize I am not leaving, don’t you? Please open the door?” Levi was speaking just loud enough for you to hear him.

“No.” You stated for the fifth time.

“Tell me to leave.” Levi sounded tired. “Say you want me to go.”

You could not say that. You did not want that, either.

“Please open the door.” Levi leaned on the door, the groan of the hinges making your back tight.

“No.” You were weaker in your protest this time.

Levi noticed. “I won’t say anything. Please just open the door. Let me see you.”

“Only wearing Mike’s hoodie.” You were not interested in standing in an open door, on display for anyone else in that hall.

“Mm, gorgeous. Please? Just let me in.” Levi tried flirting his way in.

“Can’t get out of bed.” You did not have the energy to get your legs under you.

That one stumped him a good couple minutes, or so you thought.

“Can I let myself in?” Levi was being cautious in his tone.

You did not have any opposition to that. “Yes.”

He was eerily quiet when he entered. Levi placed a second keycard beside yours on the desk. You were not mad with what must have been Marco giving Levi a way into your room. When Levi sat down on the bed, you rolled, giving him your back. You heard him take in a breath to say something, but nothing followed, not even a sigh. He laid down, letting you keep to your brooding, but not for long. When you made no movement to get closer to him, he pulled you to him, letting you keep your back to him, but resting your head on his arm. It was too loose to be hug, more just his proximity highlighted, his arm under your head the only point of contact.

Your lungs started to rattle and burn. Your eyes were misting up. You did not let yourself make a sound as the tears filled to overflowing. Levi wrapped around you, arms hugging you close, crushingly tight. You sobbed. It was loud, it was rough and the only thing Levi did was kiss at your neck, your cheek, anywhere that he could reach. He did not hush you, he did not say a word. He just held you and let your pain rush out. You could not have loved him more in that instant.

You eventually rolled over to facing him. He brushed your cheek, placed a kiss to your meek lips, and started to hum. You curled up around him and his song. The melody was the only thought in your head. You drifted on the tune until Levi finally spoke.

“I’m sorry. We don’t have to say anything more about it, but I wanted to say I’m sorry I hurt you.” Levi waited a few seconds and when you stayed silent, he started humming again.

You kissed his neck. It was the closest to accepting his apology you could manage, since you did not want to give another thought to how he had upset you. You were not thinking at all right now, you wanted that to continue.

“You talked to Mike.” You were only making an observation, not an accusation.

“No. Half expected him to call and tear me a new one by now. Erwin called to scold me for the both of you. I could hear Mike in the background though. Sounded grumpy.”

“Baying to the moon.” You smiled at how deeply Mike felt for you. It made you happy in the saddest way.

“He loves you so much, you know? Not just Mike. Erwin too.” Levi was drumming his fingers to that rhythm that picked up when he was getting nervous. “We love you. The three of us. So much.”

“I know.” You lied.

Levi leaned to look at your face. You must have had your own blank mask on, giving him none of what he was looking for. He settled back, hugging you closer. He sighed.

“We really do.” It was just a statement this time, so you stayed silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Totally a real vivid dream I had. Even had Eld and Levi in it. Can still see the azure stone bobbing along if I close my eyes. I changed the ending for the story once Levi grabs young Reader.  
> There were no plants in my dream.  
> And Levi ended up much more naked...
> 
> ❤️


	14. Three and One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaannnggsT.

“Why not tell her at dinner? The four of us, in the cafe?” Erwin was optimistically bright. Levi could only look at him in disbelief.

“That’s the worst way to tell her.” Mike voiced Levi’s initial thoughts.

“She takes surprises badly, Eyebrows. In a public place it’ll be even worse. Think about movie break ups. It’s always in a crowed cafe.” Levi tried teaming up with the one that was phoning in while on his lunch break.

“Fine, fine. How do you purpose we bring her in?” Erwin kissed Levi’s temple in concession.

“Sleep with her.” Mike did not even hesitate.

Levi and Erwin shared a look. “Expand on that, please.” Erwin had a chuckle tinting his words.

“I don’t mean sex you horny bastards. I mean showing her how she is just a part of the four of us already. In a physical-“ Erwin covered Levi’s mouth before he could interject- “ _non-sexual_ way.”

“And how do you purpose we do that? Get us all in one bed?” Erwin was using that pragmatic tone of his.

“Abduction.” Mike and Levi spoke at the same time.

“Yes. You two clearly have a much healthier idea of how to bring her into this relationship without upsetting her.” Erwin was massaging out the involuntary furrow between his brows. “I’m vetoing abduction.”

“Questionable relocation from her current-“ Levi started.

“In all variations.” Erwin narrowed his eyes at his darker half. Levi only tutted.

“Dinner at our place?” Mike’s flat with Erwin was not the most desirable of the options, but one she would be the most comfortable in. It was a better choice than her room, considering she might want to get a bit of space to herself.

Erwin’s place up town was probably musty with no one living in it. The idea of using his space to shelter her had Levi’s hope jump in an alarming way. It was an excitement that did not have logic to back it. Thing was, Levi had a guest room and an office that might offer her a place to retreat to without leaving. Realistically those rooms were foreign to her, and would offer little security. His bedroom would be offered as if it were hers too but would it really feel that way for her?

“Mine would be better, the loft even has a king size bed.” Levi was mulling over the idea, trying to temper his hopes with more reasonable expectations. “I could cook for us. She’d assume it was a double date of sorts.”

“Double date has as many points for as against with her mind where it currently is. She’s too pessimistic right now. Plus we’ll have to spring the date on her only a day or so in advance.” Mike offered his understanding of her tendencies. “She’ll worry herself into a frenzy or refuse out of panic, otherwise.”

“You sure it’s a good idea, having all of us there to ask her? Maybe you or I should breach the subject with her first?” Levi was uncertain of anything being the ideal way to bring their skittish stray girl into the relationship with them.

“With her it’s hard to know. When her emotional side is leading like this, so maxed out on fear? She’s unpredictable. If she were her normal self it would be an easy conversation. Just tell her we want her.” Mike sounded sadder as he continued. “As she is now, she won’t trust it, trust herself. That distrust is the mountain we need to navigate. We say it wrong, she’ll assume you two just want to get back together. That I’ll be kept, but not her. That it’s just a matter of time until we all abandon her.”

“She has nightmares about that.” At Erwin’s concerned looked Levi added, “she told me about them. Have yet to see one.”

“Don’t muck around in her head. She is not such a simple puzzle.” Mike was not being shy about calling out the other vampires on any lines they might be crossing. “First we show her we want her, then we tell her everything. It’s too much all at once, otherwise.”

“I’m not gonna mind fuck her. She’s too amazing. Shit, you’ll love it. You can’t even imagine how delicious she is.” Levi had his mouth watering at the simple idea of her, he barely had the control to keep his fangs up.

“Yeah, yeah. Once the change is stable. I’m not sure which is better. Waiting until I’m a little less volatile, or rushing just to keep her worries from getting out of hand.” Mike had a guilt in his voice.

Levi could not blame the shaggy blonde for just agreeing and jumping in. He had done the same thing, so very long ago. The whole idea of the four of them was too much to let slip by because of hesitation. If they rushed, it could still go just as wrong.

“Well, no matter what, we need to wait until you won’t have your fangs dropping at the sight of her in nothing but your damned hoodie.” Levi was smirking over knowing just what he had done.

“You are such an asshole, Levi. Seriously.” Mike’s awkward speech gave away Levi’s success. Youngsters always had trouble with their fangs around serious attraction.

“What? I like that you can’t hide how much you like the idea of seeing her naked right now.” Levi just piled it on.

“I hate you. I’m hanging up.” Mike’s voice was muffled, probably by his hand covering his mouth.

“Wait, Mike. Maybe you should start by texting her more? She needs to feel like we are moving closer, not pulling away.” Erwin offered up a good idea.

“Yeah, if you’re distant, it will make her feel more like we have stolen you away. She‘s already missing you.”

“I figured she’d be mad at me, not missing me.” Mike sounded solemn.

“She can be both.” Levi sighed. “She needs to know we are here for her. You getting all evasive is not something that goes unnoticed by her.”

“You were supposed to be distracting her.” Mike was grumbling.

“Yeah, because that would fucking work.” Levi was not sure at first why it made him so angry to have Mike voice a thought he had even had himself. Then it hit him. “I’m not you for her Mike. I might never be. You see the world in a way closer to what she is seeing. I’m only ever guessing.”

Erwin’s hand squeezed Levi’s shoulder. It was only at getting comfort that he realised how much it bothered him, his not being able to help her as Mike could. He just wanted her to be happy, thriving in this world as the bright gem she was. Nothing he did seemed to help, though he seemed plenty good at making it worse.

“I’ll text her more. Let’s expect to do dinner the Tuesday after next?” Mike had a sombreness in his voice answering Levi’s honesty.

“That works for me. Let’s make that happen.” Erwin pulled Levi closer, hearts knowing each other too well for Levi to hide his pain. “Love you, Mike. Have a good rest of the day.”

“Later, Sheepdog.” Levi had no intention of letting his fragility stay apparent.

“Love you, too. See you tonight, Erwin. Try not to lose track of Levi. Might step on him and squish’m.” Mike forced a wistful chuckle at the end.

Erwin ended the call before Levi could respond.

 

~~

 

You were not mad at them for dropping the idea of dinner, the four of you at Levi’s, only a day in advance. Still, you were stressing about it. More over, the job search was not going well. You were putting your worst foot forward at every turn. Everything was going wrong.

“Bad day, Dreamer?” Levi was holding your hand as he drove you to his place, the loft, as he called it.

“Yup. I’ll be fine. It’s gonna be good seeing Mike. Feels like it’s been ages.” A month had passed and you had mostly sporadic texts from him, with a lean smattering of calls. You missed him terribly.

“Been a while. I’m sure he’s been missing you too.” Levi brought your hand up to his lips, kissing you without taking his eyes off the road.

“Yeah.” You forced the verbale answer out and quickly changed the subject. “What are you making for dinner?”

“Roast beef and root vegetables, with asparagus and zucchini on the side.” Levi had already done the shopping while you were getting ready. “Sound alright?”

“Sounds good.” You pushed for sounding upbeat. “I like all those things.”

You helped Levi bring up the groceries and had a mild trepidation bloom as you entered his home. The loft was huge. Stepping off the lift there had only been his door, meaning the whole floor was his. The main entryway lead right into the main room with a sweeping open floor plan. Dark hardwood floors stretched all the way to the wall of floor to ceiling windows. The furnishings were pristine in a way that made his space look like a display picture out of an interior design catalog. Exposed steel supports and wood beams made the space feel both warm and industrial at the same time. You felt thoroughly out of your depth. What could a man that had all this see in a girl not even scraping by, living in a hotel room? What could you even hope to offer him?

Levi led the way to the kitchen, all steel appliances with rich wood cabinetry. You helped put the food away as best you could but mostly it was just handing Levi things. He jumped into chef mode and had you sit and watch as he did seven tasks in the time it would have taken you to wash a potato. A blend of root vegetables and spices were tossed in olive oil before joining the seasoned roast in sliding into the oven. Levi managed to have it all ready to go in soon as the oven was preheated. Demon. Chef. There was no other explanation.

Erwin did not even knock, he and Mike just came in, arrival shouted from the doorway. Mike was wrapping you in a hug before Erwin even had his shoes off. Three kisses were placed on your cheek before one to your lips by the tallest man in the room. He did not let you go as he moved to let Erwin say his hello. Erwin gave you only one peck, to which Levi rolled his eyes. Levi gave you a real kiss, and a look was given to Erwin as if he were demonstrating. Mike only chuckled, not loosening his grip the whole time.

The chatting started off being about work and Erwin’s having a very tiring but especially lucrative couple days. The conversation was steered away from that topic when Mike mumbled his day had been fine but much too stressful. Levi was prepping all the rest of the dinner as the talk drifted from subject to subject. Erwin played host as if the place was his, and maybe it had been, back when he and Levi were a couple. Coffee was prepared and a selection of snacks placed out for grazing.

You were relaxing, slowly, into the space. When Levi led the way into the living room area, Mike stayed right with you. There was a slight tension in Levi, but he let Mike keep close to you. Normally Levi seemed so comfortable with Mike’s being so physical with you that you wondered if you were not mistaken. You caught his tapping though. Subtle little motion of a hand not reaching for you because of the distance between you. You hated to do it, but Levi was your sweetheart and Mike was Erwin’s. Levi was the one that should have you at his side.

It felt awkward, taking Levi’s hand and stepping away from Mike. Levi even looked a little surprised to have you do it. Before you could let go, suspected rejection of your offer screaming loud, Levi squeezed your hand. He sat beside you, though room was made so Mike could join you both on the couch. Erwin nearly melted into a leather chair, a look given to the three of you that tickled your heart. It was a nice moment that went sour all too quickly. That look was not for you. It was for the men on either side of you, it had to be.

Erwin kept the others engaged, letting you hide at the edge of the conversation. You were not especially uncomfortable but you just could not get your words to keep up with them. You were with the three people you loved and trusted most and you could not find a way to engage with them. That was a growing sort of unpleasant. By the time dinner was set, you were spun tight.

Dinner was a tragedy. The food smelt delicious, looked as picturesque as anything in Levi’s home, and you were not getting hungry. You were salivating, interest was there to a limited degree, but your appetite was nonexistent. You took small samples, getting as much in as you could. Mike beamed his pride at you, not needing to ask to know you were struggling. You caught Levi’s questioning looks and small gestures, all getting equally subtle answers from Mike. Even Erwin was engaged in this silent conversation. It was almost painful to not be able to pantomime out a better performance. You were miserable company even as you tried your hardest.

Mike made sure your plate was cleared of food, old habit of stealing the things you had not been able to eat saving you from the embarrassment of tossing such good food into the bin. Levi offered to make an evening tea for everyone to enjoy. You nodded, eager to have the special tea soothe the hollow ache in you that food failed to fill. Mike was hogging you on the couch by the time Levi joined you all with the tea.

“You been able to enjoy yourself, Little Wolf?” Mike was whispering just for you.

You nodded, curling up with his accepting your truth. You were having as good a time as possible, despite not being yourself.

“Like your tea?” Mike was almost giddy. He was like a child, looking at you as he would a promised gift.

“Yeah. It’s good.” You tried to bolster yourself with that happiness. Frustratingly, it did not work. The night was winding down, soon leaving would be tearing you open. The night got darker.

“Dreamer? I wanted to ask, no, offer up something. There isn’t a right or wrong answer, just your honest answer. Understand?” Levi was rubbing your knee, almost pushing you into Mike. The larger nodded from behind you, Erwin leaned in a little, seeming to know what the question would be.

“Okay?” Your heart was already racing. You were not sure you could handle this.

“Would you want to possibly be with Mike and Erwin, as well? I’m not asking to trap you. I’m asking because I think we all might be wishing for the same thing. For the four of us.” Levi pulled your leg a little closer to him. “If you’ll be happier, I want to let you have them, too.”

You wanted to believe him. It was an offer of sharing love, more safety, security to go around. You wanted to believe the affection of the hands on you; his, Mike’s. You wanted to truly believe that the look of love that Erwin was giving was also for you. But you did not.

“I’d be happy, if it was the four of us. I’d like it being the four of us.” You gave as much of the truth as you could. You would have been happy, if that had been how it would turn out. The fact that you did not see it as remotely possible was withheld.

“It okay if the four of us sleep here tonight? All of us together?” Mike was rubbing your arm before pulling you onto his lap. “Or is it too much too fast?”

“It’s okay.” You sounded small to yourself.

Erwin stood and collected empty tea cups,Levi joining him in the tidying up. Mike eventually stood as well, leaving you to watch in a stupor from the couch. They were talking about the morning, everyone’s plans. Somehow Erwin found a way to strike a nerve in Levi.

“It’s not a big deal, my driving her back to the hotel.” Levi was overly terse.

“I’m not talking about in the morning, I mean in general.” Erwin was taking up arms. “She won’t want to feel dependant on you getting her around all the time. We should do better about orienting her.”

“By we you mean _I_ should be doing better.” Levi was an indignant growl.

“I hate it when mommy and daddy fight.” Mike was glaring at his boyfriend, clearly expecting Erwin to understand the message. “Can we just not argue over minutiae, especially tonight? It will work out. Stop trying to plan everything.”

“Sorry, I just like being able to organise things for her. Makes me feel... useful.” Erwin offered the word almost like it was a sin.

“Don’t see anything wrong with trying to make it a little less difficult for her.” Levi was looking at you, meeting your peering at him over the back of the couch. “It’d be cruel, otherwise. Wouldn’t it? We shouldn’t be letting her go it alone. She needs help. It’s so much _harder_ alone.” Levi turned to face Mike.

Mike bristled at those words as badly as you did. His jaw set, and his anger was near palpable. “Fuck you. Fuck you, your horse... and Erwin if you so much as say a word I’m taking her and leaving. Not another word about this tonight.”

Mike was using long legs to close the distance and step over the back of the couch. He collapsed down on you, arms caging you in, weight threatening to crush you. You did not need to say anything. He already knew. You started to cry, and Mike did not need a single word to help him understand why, he had heard it too. You hurt with the knowing that the others did not, could not understand what had broken in you, how Levi had upset you.

Eventually your well ran dry and you were carried by Mike to Levi’s bed. All four of you fit, though it was Mike that seemed to want to keep you for himself. As vulnerable as you felt, it was only him that you really trusted. Levi had voiced the worst possible thing. You were too tired to explain why, and not tired as in sleepy, either. Life was heavy, so very heavy. You were exhausted. As Mike hugged you a little closer, lips kissing your neck softly, you let him hold everything up for you. His kiss got firmer, teeth tickling in a brush over the hint of where Levi had last savaged into you. Sleep came flooding in, and you secretly wished you would only dream of finally resting in that bed, with them.

 

~~

 

Levi stroked his finger through Mike’s hair. The blonde was barely in her dream a minute when he pulled away. It was a sloppy thing, blood trickling to the sheets in a spill before Levi could get his own lips to the wound. He tasted Mike’s blood already painting the closing punctures, letting her sleep without their watching. The lingering hint of her dream was all sugar sweet and velvety spice.

“She was...” Mike trailed off, licking every trace of her from his fangs and lips.

“Delicious?” Erwin offered.

“Decadent.” Levi purred the word describing his own stolen treat.

“With us.” Mike sounded sad to say what the three of them were hoping she genuinely wanted.

“Good.” Erwin kept his voice low to keep from waking her, but Mike was shaking his head. “Not good?”

“We were not with her, Erwin. She was with us but felt so alone. Isolated. We were ignoring her. I couldn’t, I just couldn’t stay and watch.” He licked over his fangs again. “So good though. You had said bad dreams tasted bad. How could such a sad dream taste so good?”

“They shift. She is so strong. That mind of hers finds security and bends the dream to it. She never dies, never loses. She bends the rules, full on demands new ones to suit her. Our Little Dreamer is a fighter.” Levi licked at her as if she were Mike’s melting ice cream cone. He did not want to snatch away what he felt he should let Mike have, but was unwilling to let her go to waste. “Victory is sweet.”

Mike leaned in to lap up the last traces of her, finally seeming to notice Levi’s intent. “Maybe next time. Too much for me tonight.”

A smear of red was on Mike’s bottom lip. Levi did not think before leaning in and claiming the missed bit of his girl. He would never had done it, never have lingered, had he known. The soft disappointed sound from her not only signalled that she was no longer asleep, but that she had seen. She had said she was open to it being the four of them. She had said she liked the idea. No part of him believed she would be okay with his kissing Mike just now.

Levi kissed her neck, soft nibbles up to her jaw. He caught her hip and pulled her closer to him. When Mike let a gap start to form Levi closed it with a tug to his hip. Levi could guess at what she might think, if they let her drift away now.

“You still want me, don’t you, my Dreamer? Want your Mike, too?” Levi purred the questions.

“Yes.” She was a shy mumble into Mike’s chest.

“We aren’t letting you go, Little Dreamer. Neither or us.” Levi let his hold get bruising tight on her thigh. When her leg rose to his hand, aiding his holding her, his guilt stabbed at him.

“None of us.” Erwin rested his arm over Mike, hand nestling at the small of her back, between her and Levi. “The three of us are keeping you, for as long as you’ll let us.”

“Maybe even a bit longer.” Mike grumbled his words a little. “Just to be sure.”

She only nodded. Levi met Mike’s worried glance. They all knew she did not believe them.


	15. Let (me) : Take (you)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW, "dreams don't have logic" and Demon!Levi tags.

Waking had started to be your least favorite part of the day. The nightmares were nothing compared to the misery of reality setting in. At least you only had to endure it until the numb washed away the hardship. The only good thing going on in your waking life was something you could not trust. Mike had started texting more. Erwin was checking in with you as well. He was contacting you less frequently than Mike and you were grateful for that. At least one of the three of them understood you might need some space.

Levi, despite his claims of understanding and needing space himself at times, was around the most. He seemed determined to get some sign from you that you were getting onboard, believing in them all being yours. You were not sure that was even where you were having your problems. Believing them was easy. It was the believing in your judgement that was giving you trouble.

They were being gentle, keeping their affection towards one another chaste in your presence. It helped some, this alertness to your discomfort. You just wished that same alertness entered into how Erwin and Levi would so easily bicker around you. They were like an old married couple and to say it stressed you out was an understatement.

“Would you rather Mike pick you up?” Erwin’s voice cut through your thoughts, bringing you back to the car ride and the fast approaching destination.

“No. I’m happy to be here with you. I’m just really nervous about the interview. This is so far from you all, I don’t even know if I want to get the job.” You felt like you were full of water. It was just waiting to break out from behind your eyes, already inundating your lungs.

“If it’s a good fit, we have options. Levi and myself find moving to be rather easy. Finding a good middle ground for us all wouldn’t be hard at all.” Erwin gave his most reassuring smile.

You could have basked the rest of the day in that smile. “Wish you could go in with me.” You would have loved to have the emotional back up.

“I’ll be close by. You are going to be fine. I know you. They’ll be lucky to get you.” One of Erwin’s hands came to rub your knee. “And if they can’t see that, it’ll be their loss. Don’t let this dry spell fool you into thinking it’s you that is unworthy. I know that’s not the case.”

You took Erwin’s hand in yours and cursed him for being so good to you. It helped, but also made your heart feel fragile. The one thing you knew you needed to not be in an interview was fragile. You tried to gather up all the strength you could and extrude the confidence Erwin had in you.

~

-Bust.-

The text from Erwin deflated Levi completely. This had been one of the last ditch efforts to find something that could initiate employment by the first of the month. The stress was only going to build now.

“No good?” Mike rested back, licking his lips clean of the crimson he had taken from Levi.

“Already sure it’s a no. She’s gonna be a ball of miserable. She wants out of that hotel.” Dark hair fell into his face as he slouched down. Levi was starting to want to just insist on her moving in with him.

“Don’t you dare add to her stress.” Mike gave a look of distrust to the shorter man.

“What’s that even mean?” Levi did not hide his indignation at the insinuation.

“Don’t rock her boat. Don’t get her a job at the cafe. Don’t ask her to live with you. Don’t do whatever has you thinking so hard. Erwin could pull strings to get her a gig at his place, she could live with us. I’m not offering her these things and there is a reason.” Mike’s slight lisp from his fangs was distracting Levi from the seriousness of the blonde’s words.

“Whenever you talk with your fangs out I just want to make out with you. Don’t have serious conversations with me when your fangs are down.” Levi could not hide his interest in the other man.

“Shut up, you’re gonna make me self conscious. And I am being serious.” Mike was not doing a good job hiding his smile over the flirtation.

“I won’t ask her to move in with me. Feel better now?” Levi hated that he meant it.

“Yes. Thank you. And... you can eventually. Just not because you think she needs saving.”

“Tch, I’m not trying to save her.” Levi dismissed the idea with a sway of hand.

“Oh, not saving her? Right... Then you want her to move in because you think that’s the reasonable next step for your relationship. Because you both don’t deeply enjoy having your own personal space.” Mike stood up, stretching out, confidence apparent from his interpretation of Levi’s dream.

Levi only looked away, silence being his acknowledgement of the truth lying under Mike’s sarcasm.

~~

Thank goodness for Erwin. The three of them sharing information with each other was a bigger help than irritation really. It was better to only need to tell Erwin how you had cried during your interview, completely tanking it, than needing to tell the same sad and embarrassing story multiple times.

Levi had cooked special for you, dinner in bed being your reward for trying so hard. You wanted to stay in your room just a while longer, licking your emotional wounds. Feeling so raw all the time was too much. You were sabotaging yourself at every turn, accidental though it may be. Even now, curled in bed with Levi humming softly, you could not stop the spiral of miserable thoughts. He had to feel your tension. A soft kiss was placed on your neck and you gratefully succumbed to Levi’s sleep-sand.

You were coming home. Only, home was Levi’s loft. It was nice, safe feeling, like you belonged. Levi was in the kitchen, sounds of cooking greeting you as you entered. You closed the door, leaving your fears and disappointments on the other side. You were safe here, with him.

“You’re cooking? Already? Isn’t it early?” You strolled into the kitchen, shaking off your defeat to bask in his company.

“Yeah, making your favorite so I need to get started now.” What Levi was chopping looked like fresh meat. It was all, only, red meat.

“Levi?” Your voice was soft.

“Yes, Pet?” Levi did not look up from his task of butchering for you.

“Do you really want me?” You could feel him looking at you in disbelief, even when he appeared to not have really noticed you were being serious. He did not even glance at you, not even slowing in his efforts of carving.

“If I didn’t want you, you wouldn’t be here, having me cook for you.” Levi was padding silently around the kitchen, bare feet quiet as cat's paws. He was putting things in the oven. More red flesh seemed to appear, in need of preparing, without your noticing. It was endless.

“Not hungry.” You waited for him to get angry with you over the statement.

“Not even a little?” Rather than upset, he was confused. “But don’t you want me to take care of you?”

You shook your head no, despite a slight ambivalence nestled in your chest. Levi’s eyes narrowed, chilling attitude seeming to make the room go cold. You thought his eyes flickered fluorescent blue for an instant. “That won’t do. I have to take care of you. Somehow. Isn’t that what love is? Caring for each other?”

You could not understand why, but fear was building in your chest. Levi was dangerous, you just instinctively knew it. You backed away but he circled between you and the front door. His moments were slow and completely predatory. It was only as true panic bloomed that you noticed, he was watching you with bright blue, glowing eyes.

It was like a flower blooming, so flowingly organic that it was hard to comprehend the change happening right before your eyes. His nails went black first, dark and matte as stone. Sweeping horns rose out of his hair next, black as basalt, smooth and inhuman. Wetting his lips, you saw fangs peek out. The already pasty man grew pallid in his complexion. When motion flicked behind him, you noticed his swaying hairless tail. With your eyes following the appendage, it seductively moved to rub down his body and curl around his ankle.

“What’s wrong, Pet?” The innocence of the question belied the situation.

You bolted for the bedroom and the heavy oak door that could be locked, might be able to protect you long enough to escape. With the barrier slammed shut and lock turned, you ran to the window. The fire escape would take you safely to the ground. However, the window would not open. You toggled the locks back and forth, tugged and pushed, but it would not budge. Grabbing the marble bookend off a shelf you hammered at the glass. You could not produce even a single crack.

“What sort of protector would I be if it was so easy to get in to you, Pet?” Levi was standing in the room, locked door never opening. He started removing his shirt, tip of his tail lashing through the air in punctuation to his words. “Why are you so afraid of me? What changed? Aren’t I still here for you? Don’t I still love you? Tell me what’s wrong.”

You looked at him, trying to understand what he meant, how he could even think he was telling the truth. “Nothing’s changed?”

“Nothing.” Levi pulled the last of his clothing off, looking as handsome as he ever had if not for the demonic additions. “You still love me too, don’t you?”

He rolled his wrist, elegant hand gesture done in your direction. You felt a tug at your clothing, watched in disbelief as the articles fell away. It was too easy for him to strip you bare. You backed onto the bed, retreating from him slowly, half heartedly. He crawled onto the bed after you, hand catching your ankle. He stopped your retreat, pulled you back to him. You did not struggle but you balled up, covering your nudity. He ran soft fingers up your calf, curiosity brimming in his unnatural eyes.

“Answer me Pet. Are you in love with me?” The coquettish smirk subtly curling his lips made your heart hammer.

“Yes.” Even with him looking so monstrous, you truly were.

“Then let me love you?” He rose to his knees, one hand running down his chest to pump over his eager length. “Let me.”

You kept your legs together, body tense and clearly not inviting his touch. His prehensile tail was twitching on the bedding, so close but not crossing the invisible line of your security. He waited with an infinite patience, right at the edge of your personal space. You searched his obsidian framed sapphire irises and saw the one you trusted so deeply was still there. He was still your Levi. You were lowering your defenses.

“It’s not about sex. Not about how good it feels inside you, that makes me want you. I love you. I need you to be mine.” His lips parted to flaunt savagely sharp teeth. “Not about sex. And yet I can't stop thinking about fucking you. I can't stop thinking about how much I want to fill you up with my cum. I want to just keep pumping in you endlessly. You want me too. It's all over your face."

You parted you legs for him, beckoning with one hand. “Show me you love me?”

“Oh, Pet. I’ll do better than that.” He purred, licking over his fangs. “I’m making you all mine, totally mine. Please. Let me.”

You wanted that, oh how you wanted that. “All yours.”

He settled between your legs, dipping his hips to rub that exquisitely heated member over you. As he pushed inside, you had your emotions erupt. Fear and love, devotion and grief, all your feelings were shouting to be heard. You rocked up into him, trying to silence the emotional noise so you could purely enjoy him. He was a steady motion of hip, tail running over you like a third hand.

He caught your face in his powerful grip, forcing you still so he could kiss you. An agile tongue snuck between your lips. The slick muscle was longer than human, working your mouth in a double rhythm to his plunging in and out of your depths. You moaned with the penetration, so greedy for him. He parted from you reluctantly, impossibly hot breath panted across your skin.

“That’s all mine now, too.” He kissed your neck once. Then again. He licked, nibbled. He started to suckle and lap at your throat. "So good baby, so perfect."

All your tears, sorrow and pain were being drawn out, consumed by him with each suck at your carotid. It was a gravity, pulling the deepest parts of you to the surface just to slide down his gullet. You resisted the process some, trying to hold on to your joy, your love, the good. You did not want to lose your loving him.

“Let me have all of you. Let me have you. Every part of you. Let go, let me in. Let me...”

He bit your neck, skin caught firmly between his teeth. The pressure from his fangs grew until your flesh parted. He ripped into you, rending you to bits... just to swallow you down. You started to feel everything slip away; the good, the bad, everything you were feeling. Nothingness was trying to take roost, fill in your body with a solid sense of empty. The numb was worse than dying.

That was not what either of you wanted, so you whimpered your distress. It was a deeply masculine chuckle, that rumbled his chest. He bit his wrist, cobalt blood spilling out around his lips slightly. He pressed his wound to your mouth changing the timing of his thrusts to match your swallowing him down. Each gulp of the freezing fire slowed your heart. You were dying. You were becoming. Your heart stilled, his body going motionless in pinning you down.

“There you go. Take all you want, love. Take all of me. You can be full. Make yourself full, my lovely.”

You were more than alive, and Levi could feel it. Your emotions were vivid, your soul overflowing. You were finally whole. He crashed into you in a sudden flurry of thrusts. Hips snapped to yours, bodies pounding together as your new pulse. You knew you now had equally sharp fangs, a tail of your own coiling and twining with his.

Levi was deep inside you, guttural growl vibrating his plush girth in his climax. He was twitching down to the tip of his tail, both of you hanging on in the overwhelmingly powerful rush. The molten heat filling to pool in your gut slowly blazed over all of you, until you were nothing but your euphoria. You were struggling in your skin, ripped loose of your mortal tethers as well as the chains of your suffering.

You were absolutely, completely, free.

~~

Levi fell to the floor when he got out of the bed, left graceless in his swooning. He had let the dream pull him in and the sensation he had just enjoyed left him needing to shower and change of clothes. The postcoital buzz was so heady that he was lost in the sensation even as he took out his lone cigarette and tucked it between his lips. He sat in the window, basking in the afterglow, watching his Dreamer sleep peacefully.

“If I could only get you to take what you need from me while awake. I bet your problems would dry up right along with your tears, my Little Dreamer.” Levi wished he could truly swallow all the fears and sadness that laid heavy on her heart. He would do anything for her, if he could only figure out what it was he needed to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Neon Genesis Evangelion is up on Netflix. Hadn't watched that since I was twelve. Watched the original JP version again. Yep. Still good. Still messes up my heart in the best way. Worth a watch if you like thought provoking anime. Gears shift at episode 14 so be ready for the "giants fighting giants" cliche that takes a sudden turn to introspective identity crisis. I can't even begin to unravel how much this anime influenced me, inspired me, helped me. I never wrote Shinji off as a crybaby either. That's just my opinion though.
> 
> Sorry I was away so long. I'm not back yet, but I'm trying to get there. 💙


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